Taylor Swift Fans React To Her Breakup With Matt Healy

“She deserves better as a pure Aryan goddess!”

“I’m just happy to see Taylor can finally find a new elaborately choreographed media-enticing talking point to promote.”

“As a member of the 1975, I should probably know who that is.”

“Maybe if she’d date a nice normal boy like my grandson, she wouldn’t need to keep making music and could finally be a wife.”

“I hope this breakup isn’t as ugly as when she dated Abe Vigoda.”

“It’s my job to give her all my money, not my opinion.”

“I dated both of them individually for seven years, so it’s a little hard to see their names in the news.”

“I don’t really care about celebrity relationships. I’m more into the clandestine romantic trysts of amateur blacksmiths.”

“It was sad to see Taylor debase her pure Germanic blood with someone of swarthy Celtic complexion.”

“I assume they broke up because she finally read the poem I carved into my chest.”

“Eventually she will date every living white man on the planet, so I don’t see the point in freaking out about this particular one.”

“Whatever makes her happy and then sad again.”

“I really don’t think it’s any of my business how she lives her personal life.”

“She can date whomever she wants as long as it makes her and me happy.”

“Good, I was ready for her to get hurt again.”

“This was all obviously just a publicity stunt to try and sell fewer tickets.”

“Please stop trying to get me to listen to the 1975.”

“It was just nice to see a Nazi date someone with blond hair and blue eyes for once.”

The Onion Looks Back On 62 Years Of Taylor Swift

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