Teachers React To Yet Another School Shooting

“I didn’t sign up for any of this. When I became a teacher, I thought I’d only have to sacrifice my financial stability, work-life balance, and mental health.”

“Just a sec, somebody is shooting at me right now.”

“I’ve been saying this since day one: the kids need to put more effort into lobbying.”

“Curse those multiple doors!”

“There’s a bunch of excellent novels about dealing with loss and grief, but they’re all banned.”

“I’m replacing all my desks with foxholes.”

“I’m teaching my students how to use their compasses like throwing knives. They’re getting pretty good. We’ll be ready for the next one.”

“We need these kids to bulk up and learn how to take a hit.”

“The police academy rejected my application, but who’s laughing now? I get a gun anyway.”

“I guess I’ll stop bullying my students so much.”

“Only I shall strike fear into the miserable hearts of my pupils.”

“Oh my department got cut years ago but I hope everything’s going well!”

“We knew the risks when we signed up. That’s why they pay us 35 K a year.”

“The new curriculum actually doesn’t let us say ‘shooting.’ They’re called ‘existence displacement events’ now.”

“How do I explain this to my first-graders who only have 119 school shootings from the past four years to use as reference points?”

“We’re still working on mastering counting to five, but thankfully my class is above grade level in lockdown preparation.”

“Today we set aside multiplication tables to talk about how quickly and violently death can come for us.”

“Sure we’ve lost a few kids but at least the ones who survived learned about the Second Amendment.”

“It’s unfortunate that my literary arts degree only prepared me for knife combat.”

“I’ve been petitioning the school board to encase our school in an indestructible iron dome for years now.”

“I’ve been training students to run for this very reason.”

“If they give us AK-47s, can they also send some pencils?”

“This could happen in any school in America, which is why I’ve been slipping handguns to my honor roll students.”

“I knew I should’ve picked a less dangerous career, like police officer.”