Teachers React To Yet Another School Shooting

Teachers React To Yet Another School Shooting

We may earn a commission from links on this page.
Start Slideshow
Image for article titled Teachers React To Yet Another School Shooting

After a mass shooter killed 19 children and two teachers at Robb Elementary School in Uvalde Texas, many educators are understandably at a loss. The Onion asked teachers how they felt after yet another school shooting, and this is what they said.

Advertisement
Previous Slide
Next Slide

2 / 26

Penny Adams (Ninth Grade, English)

Penny Adams (Ninth Grade, English)

Image for article titled Teachers React To Yet Another School Shooting

“I didn’t sign up for any of this. When I became a teacher, I thought I’d only have to sacrifice my financial stability, work-life balance, and mental health.”

Advertisement
Previous Slide
Next Slide

3 / 26

Judith Montgomery (Fifth Grade, Science)

Judith Montgomery (Fifth Grade, Science)

Image for article titled Teachers React To Yet Another School Shooting

“Just a sec, somebody is shooting at me right now.”

Advertisement
Previous Slide
Next Slide

4 / 26

Aileen Peterson (Fourth Grade, Math)

Aileen Peterson (Fourth Grade, Math)

Image for article titled Teachers React To Yet Another School Shooting

“I’ve been saying this since day one: the kids need to put more effort into lobbying.”

Advertisement
Previous Slide
Next Slide

5 / 26

Jeremy Floyd (12th Grade, Band)

Jeremy Floyd (12th Grade, Band)

Image for article titled Teachers React To Yet Another School Shooting

“Curse those multiple doors!”

Advertisement
Previous Slide
Next Slide

6 / 26

Greg Peters (12th Grade, Literature)

Greg Peters (12th Grade, Literature)

Image for article titled Teachers React To Yet Another School Shooting

“There’s a bunch of excellent novels about dealing with loss and grief, but they’re all banned.”

Advertisement
Previous Slide
Next Slide

7 / 26

Shelton Edwards (Ninth Grade, U.S. History)

Shelton Edwards (Ninth Grade, U.S. History)

Image for article titled Teachers React To Yet Another School Shooting

“I’m replacing all my desks with foxholes.”

Advertisement
Previous Slide
Next Slide

8 / 26

Greg Fletcher (10th Grade, Geometry)

Greg Fletcher (10th Grade, Geometry)

Image for article titled Teachers React To Yet Another School Shooting

“I’m teaching my students how to use their compasses like throwing knives. They’re getting pretty good. We’ll be ready for the next one.”

Advertisement
Previous Slide
Next Slide

9 / 26

Frank Quill (12th Grade, Physical Education/Football Coach)

Frank Quill (12th Grade, Physical Education/Football Coach)

Image for article titled Teachers React To Yet Another School Shooting

“We need these kids to bulk up and learn how to take a hit.”

Advertisement
Previous Slide
Next Slide

10 / 26

Mike Stockton (Fifth Grade, English)

Mike Stockton (Fifth Grade, English)

Image for article titled Teachers React To Yet Another School Shooting

“The police academy rejected my application, but who’s laughing now? I get a gun anyway.”

Advertisement
Previous Slide
Next Slide

11 / 26

Scott Moriarty (Seventh Grade, Health)

Scott Moriarty (Seventh Grade, Health)

Image for article titled Teachers React To Yet Another School Shooting

“I guess I’ll stop bullying my students so much.”

Advertisement
Previous Slide
Next Slide

12 / 26

Malcolm Forsythe-Black (Ninth Grade, Latin)

Malcolm Forsythe-Black (Ninth Grade, Latin)

Image for article titled Teachers React To Yet Another School Shooting

“Only I shall strike fear into the miserable hearts of my pupils.”

Advertisement
Previous Slide
Next Slide

13 / 26

Kristin Cantwell (Sixth Grade, Art)

Kristin Cantwell (Sixth Grade, Art)

Image for article titled Teachers React To Yet Another School Shooting

“Oh my department got cut years ago but I hope everything’s going well!”

Advertisement
Previous Slide
Next Slide

14 / 26

Patrick Gammill (Second Grade, Spanish)

Patrick Gammill (Second Grade, Spanish)

Image for article titled Teachers React To Yet Another School Shooting

“We knew the risks when we signed up. That’s why they pay us 35 K a year.”

Advertisement
Previous Slide
Next Slide

15 / 26

Heather Cunningham (Eighth Grade, History)

Heather Cunningham (Eighth Grade, History)

Image for article titled Teachers React To Yet Another School Shooting

“The new curriculum actually doesn’t let us say ‘shooting.’ They’re called ‘existence displacement events’ now.”

Advertisement
Previous Slide
Next Slide

16 / 26

Ellen Clark (First Grade)

Ellen Clark (First Grade)

Image for article titled Teachers React To Yet Another School Shooting

“How do I explain this to my first-graders who only have 119 school shootings from the past four years to use as reference points?”

Advertisement
Previous Slide
Next Slide

17 / 26

Patrice Watson (Pre-K)

Patrice Watson (Pre-K)

Image for article titled Teachers React To Yet Another School Shooting

“We’re still working on mastering counting to five, but thankfully my class is above grade level in lockdown preparation.”

Advertisement
Previous Slide
Next Slide

18 / 26

Lynne Bonner (Third Grade, Science)

Lynne Bonner (Third Grade, Science)

Image for article titled Teachers React To Yet Another School Shooting

“Today we set aside multiplication tables to talk about how quickly and violently death can come for us.”

Advertisement
Previous Slide
Next Slide

19 / 26

Stuart White (Eighth Grade, History)

Stuart White (Eighth Grade, History)

Image for article titled Teachers React To Yet Another School Shooting

“Sure we’ve lost a few kids but at least the ones who survived learned about the Second Amendment.”

Advertisement
Previous Slide
Next Slide

20 / 26

Tricia Ro (Ninth Grade, English)

Tricia Ro (Ninth Grade, English)

Image for article titled Teachers React To Yet Another School Shooting

“It’s unfortunate that my literary arts degree only prepared me for knife combat.”

Advertisement
Previous Slide
Next Slide

21 / 26

Jason Zellner (Third Grade)

Jason Zellner (Third Grade)

Image for article titled Teachers React To Yet Another School Shooting

“I’ve been petitioning the school board to encase our school in an indestructible iron dome for years now.”

Advertisement
Previous Slide
Next Slide

22 / 26

Greg Mills (11th Grade, Physical Education)

Greg Mills (11th Grade, Physical Education)

Image for article titled Teachers React To Yet Another School Shooting

“I’ve been training students to run for this very reason.”

Advertisement
Previous Slide
Next Slide

23 / 26

Emily Putron (Sixth Grade, English)

Emily Putron (Sixth Grade, English)

Image for article titled Teachers React To Yet Another School Shooting

“If they give us AK-47s, can they also send some pencils?”

Advertisement
Previous Slide
Next Slide

24 / 26

Hank Summers (Ninth Grade, English)

Hank Summers (Ninth Grade, English)

Image for article titled Teachers React To Yet Another School Shooting

“This could happen in any school in America, which is why I’ve been slipping handguns to my honor roll students.”

Advertisement
Previous Slide
Next Slide

25 / 26

Ben Greer (10th Grade, Chemistry)

Ben Greer (10th Grade, Chemistry)

Image for article titled Teachers React To Yet Another School Shooting

“I knew I should’ve picked a less dangerous career, like police officer.”

Advertisement