WAYNE, PA—Providing them the tools necessary to bridge a gap that both individuals say they were more than willing to maintain indefinitely, sources confirmed Monday that the advent of modern technology has unfortunately allowed distant friends Meredith Wyckoff and Hannah Lowell to reconnect with one another. “Thanks to social media and text messaging, Hannah and I can reach out to each other with just the click of a button, which is awful,” said Wyckoff, who through the numerous technological conveniences now available to her can send out half-hearted birthday wishes and obligatory life updates to her 10th-grade biology lab partner and equally disinterested minor acquaintance. “We’re both pretty active on Instagram, and we use Gchat all the time, so there’s sadly no excuse for us not to keep in touch. Without all of that, Hannah and I probably would have just sort of naturally drifted apart over the years. Which, to clarify, I would have been perfectly fine with.” At press time, Wyckoff and Lowell were both silently cursing after Facebook had revealed they were both in their hometown this week, forcing them to make plans to grab coffee and catch up.

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