Ted Cruz Vs. Beto O’Rourke

Illustration for article titled Ted Cruz Vs. Beto O’Rourke

The Texas Senate race between incumbent Republican Ted Cruz and his challenger, Democrat Beto O’Rourke, has become a high-profile contest with implications for both the state and on the national stage. The Onion breaks down the differences between the candidates.

Advertisement

Base

Ted Cruz: Conservative Texans

Beto O’Rourke: Non-voting Texans


Type Of Insufferable

Ted Cruz: Debate Club president

Beto O’Rourke: Adult who skateboards


Real First Name

Ted Cruz: Rafael

Beto O’Rourke: Betopanga


Social Media Strategy

Ted Cruz: Retweet videos of Beto O’Rourke engaging voters on an issue

Beto O’Rourke: Retweet videos of Beto O’Rourke engaging voters on an issue


Biggest Asset

Ted Cruz: Not a Democrat

Beto O’Rourke: Not Ted Cruz


Number Of Magazine Profiles Currently Being Written About Them

Ted Cruz: 3

Beto O’Rourke: 18,971


Contemplating Future Presidential Run

Ted Cruz: Probably

Beto O’Rourke: Probably


Campaign Promise

Ted Cruz: Will be reliably awful enough to make everyone around him look better by comparison

Beto O’Rourke: Will be just as disappointing as every centrist Democrat