Temp Excited To Begin First Day As Secretary Of Agriculture

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WASHINGTON—Saying his new role seemed “way more interesting” than his usual menial office gigs, temp worker Jon Barder told reporters Monday that he was really looking forward to starting his first day as secretary of agriculture. “All I really know from the ad is that I’m in charge of farming for the entire country or something,” said Barder, 22, who will oversee the approximately $140 billion executive department for the duration of his five-day assignment. “But I sure can’t complain about $14 an hour, especially since it looks like no one’s going to be looking over my shoulder and I can just text or whatever. I mean, if it goes well, maybe it’ll turn into a longer-term thing, though I can’t imagine anyone doing this for more than a few months.” At press time, Barder was loitering outside the White House in search of someone to sign his time sheet.