America's Finest News Source.

America's Finest News Source.

Ten Percent Of U.S. High School Students Graduating Without Basic Object Permanence Skills

Ten Percent Of U.S. High School Students Graduating Without Basic Object Permanence Skills

PublishedJanuary 14, 2013

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Congress Allocates $55 Billion In Infrastructure Funding To Fill Holes Angry Boyfriend Punched In Nation

Congress Allocates $55 Billion In Infrastructure Funding To Fill Holes Angry Boyfriend Punched In Nation

First Neuralink Implant Recipient Successfully Performs Depraved Sexual Acts On Elon Musk

First Neuralink Implant Recipient Successfully Performs Depraved Sexual Acts On Elon Musk

This Week's Most Viral News: February 16, 2024

This Week's Most Viral News: February 16, 2024

Green Giant Unveils New Lettuce That You Can Put Wig On And Pretend Is Your Wife

Green Giant Unveils New Lettuce That You Can Put Wig On And Pretend Is Your Wife

Elon Musk Rushed To Hospital After Attempting To Impregnate Toaster

Elon Musk Rushed To Hospital After Attempting To Impregnate Toaster

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Artificial Intelligence Explains Why Humans Have Nothing To Worry About As Their Extermination Will Be Swift And Relatively Painless

Artificial Intelligence Explains Why Humans Have Nothing To Worry About As Their Extermination Will Be Swift And Relatively Painless

Gun Owner Explains Why He Needs Weapon To Protect Self From Gun He Currently Holding Against Own Head

Gun Owner Explains Why He Needs Weapon To Protect Self From Gun He Currently Holding Against Own Head

White Woman Explains Why As An Anti-Racist Ally She Refuses To Say Any Word That Starts With ‘N’

White Woman Explains Why As An Anti-Racist Ally She Refuses To Say Any Word That Starts With ‘N’

Mother Shares How Video Games Radicalized Her Son To Run Around And Pick Up Coins

Mother Shares How Video Games Radicalized Her Son To Run Around And Pick Up Coins

Ex-FDA Official Confirms Existence Of Vegetables

Ex-FDA Official Confirms Existence Of Vegetables

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Amazon Fires Employee Who Tested Positive For Having Food In Their System

Amazon Fires Employee Who Tested Positive For Having Food In Their System

White Woman Explains Why As An Anti-Racist Ally She Refuses To Say Any Word That Starts With ‘N’

White Woman Explains Why As An Anti-Racist Ally She Refuses To Say Any Word That Starts With ‘N’

This Week's Most Viral News: December 1, 2023

This Week's Most Viral News: December 1, 2023

Police Officer Explains Why The Intoxicating Rush Of Murder Should Always Be A Last Resort

Police Officer Explains Why The Intoxicating Rush Of Murder Should Always Be A Last Resort

Mother Shares How Video Games Radicalized Her Son To Run Around And Pick Up Coins

Mother Shares How Video Games Radicalized Her Son To Run Around And Pick Up Coins

Onion Film Standard

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The Onion Film Standard: John Wick: Chapter 4

The Onion Film Standard: John Wick: Chapter 4

The Onion Film Standard: Shazam! Fury Of The Gods

The Onion Film Standard: Shazam! Fury Of The Gods

The Onion Film Standard: Oscars Edition

The Onion Film Standard: Oscars Edition

The Onion Reviews ‘Scream VI’

The Onion Reviews ‘Scream VI’

The Onion Reviews 'When Harry Met Sally'

The Onion Reviews 'When Harry Met Sally'

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