EUGENE, OR—The tension at a party hosted by area man Chad Kopp was reportedly increasing by the minute Friday as attendees continued to glance uneasily at an acoustic guitar leaning against the living room wall for the third straight hour. “Yeah, Chad’s got a really cool place,” Kopp’s friend Eric Morehouse said to a small cluster of fellow guests, all of whom furtively eyed the guitar for any indication whatsoever that someone might pick it up and launch into a popular song, or an unknown riff they might later reveal as “just something [they’d] been working on.” “It’s much bigger than his old apartment, that’s for sure.” At press time, a full-blown panic was narrowly avoided when a party guest walking toward the guitar continued on to the bedroom to retrieve his jacket.
More from The Onion
The Con Pays Off: After Years Of Feigning Interest, George R.R. Martin Has Bolted From The ‘Elden Ring’ Offices With All The Topless Elf Concept Art His Arms Can Carry