DENVER—Sources confirmed that a 16-inch laptop woke up screaming in a blind panic today after finding itself inside a Samsonite case. “Gah! Where the hell am I? What is this? For God's sake, somebody help me, please!” screamed the notebook computer, which had fallen asleep hours before and had awoken to find itself securely bound into the case’s Perfect Fit Technology. “Who are you? What do you want from me? Oh God, let me out, let me out!" At press time, the laptop was frantically searching for a WiFi signal so it could call for help.

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