Terrifying Excuses Anti-Vaxxers Use To Avoid The Covid-19 Shot

Start Slideshow

Despite FDA approval and multiple studies proving it provides life-saving immunity, many people across the United States refuse to get the Covid-19 vaccine. Here are the most terrifying excuses anti-vaxxers use to avoid getting immunized.

Previous Slide

Next Slide

2 / 22

“I dated Dr. Fauci in college and he was an asshole.”

Sure, it’d be nice to stick it to your ex by never getting vaccinated, but he’ll probably be pretty smug if you die too.

Previous Slide

Next Slide

3 / 22

“My neighbor got the vaccine, and three days later I killed him.”

Stop conflating causation with correlation!

Previous Slide

Next Slide

4 / 22

“I’ve grown up in a country that educated me poorly, where the right-leaning party panders to my worst impulses and the left-leaning one uses esoteric vocabulary and a system of elitism to alienate me and treat me like their inferior, this is my way of exerting just a tiny bit of control over my life.”

God, these people are a bunch of fucking idiots, huh?

Previous Slide

Next Slide

5 / 22

“I’ve placed a bomb in a train station that will automatically detonate if I get vaccinated.”

There’s no way they could wire something like this.

Previous Slide

Next Slide

6 / 22

“I am afraid the technician administering the shot won’t like me.”

While social anxiety is a real mental illness millions nationwide must struggle with, a competent therapist would encourage their patient to confront their fears and get the shot anyways.

Previous Slide

Next Slide

7 / 22

“I don’t want to have anything in common with Bill Pullman.”

Fair.

Previous Slide

Next Slide

8 / 22

“I already died of Covid-19 last year.”

Also fair.

Previous Slide

Next Slide

9 / 22

“There’s still so much we don’t know about the ocean.”

Anything could be lurking in the dark depths of the sea, but that’s neither here nor there.

Previous Slide

Next Slide

10 / 22

“The shot will affect my menstrual cycle.”

The vaccine has absolutely no effect on menstruation, which is controlled entirely by the moon.

Previous Slide

Next Slide

11 / 22

“I’ll lose half my sight when they puncture my eyeball.”

Misinformation about mRNA is nothing compared to the fear tactics that convince people the vaccine needle goes through their pupil or, alternatively, all the way up their urethra.

Previous Slide

Next Slide

12 / 22

“I’m too busy having sex with children to get a shot.”

Unfortunately, there’s no easy way to beat this excuse. If they’re busy, they’re busy.

Previous Slide

Next Slide

13 / 22

“It’s against my Sensei’s code.”

Anti-vaxxers love to act like their master is the one holding them back from getting the jab, even though no samurai actually gives a shit whether their apprentice has been inoculated.

Previous Slide

Next Slide

14 / 22

“I won’t get into Heaven.”

Maybe, but you will be let into your nearest Six Flags location, and that’s arguably just as good.

Previous Slide

Next Slide

15 / 22

“I’ve got a roast in the oven”

Anti-vaxxers will pretend like they have a roast in the oven to avoid getting the shot, a facade that easily crumbles when you press them on how they’re braising it and what sides they’re preparing.

Previous Slide

Next Slide

16 / 22

“I already ate lunch.”

A common misconception that the Covid-19 vaccine is hearty and filling, when it would barely constitute an hors d’oeuvre.

Previous Slide

Next Slide

17 / 22

“Covid isn’t that bad anyway.”

Since many people have survived the disease, anti-vaxxers argue that Coronavirus is just like a bad cold that millions of drama queens have died from.

Previous Slide

Next Slide

18 / 22

“I already got a big lollipop, so I don’t need one.”

Anti-vaxxers will often use an excuse like this while licking an enormous lollipop they got from the local candy store and don’t need a sucker from the doctor. This neglects to take into account that they could bank the wrapped lollipop and continue about their merry way with the current one.

Previous Slide

Next Slide

19 / 22

“Bill Gates put microchips in the vaccines.”

In reality, Bill Gates has no interest whatsoever in tracking your whereabouts unless you were one of the people who witnessed him on Jeffrey Epstein’s island.

Previous Slide

Next Slide

20 / 22

“Nobody has survived it.”

Anti-vaxxers love tuning out inconvenient information, like the fact that billions of bodies somehow endured the trauma of having a needle stuck in their arm.

Previous Slide

Next Slide

21 / 22

“What vaccine?”

Wait. Is there really no vaccine? No, hold on. That’s how they get you.