DALLAS—Alleging that the Dallas Cowboys quarterback deliberately flouted Texas abortion laws, state troopers arrested Dak Prescott on the field Sunday for terminating a conceived play call with an audible. “Mr. Prescott showed a flagrant disregard for a play conceived in God’s image,” said county sheriff Marian Brown, who noted that the Cowboys offensive line would each receive a $10,000 fine for their role in assisting with the audible. “This play could have easily grown to become a 20-yard touchdown pass, but unfortunately, its life was cut short. We’re just sorry that the people of Dallas had watched that sickening display.” At press time, authorities brought in Ezekiel Elliot in for questioning as the beneficiary of the audible.
FBI Investigating Fourth-Grade Kid Who Said He Has Seen Over 200 Dead Bodies