Oof, gamers. Sorry if we’re a bit shaken up, but something pretty disturbing just happened. We were just hanging out, snacking on some pretzels, and daydreaming about some kind of Star Wars and Mario mash-up when our thoughts took a dark, dark turn. You see, everything was going fine until we suddenly began to imagine Darth Maul riding a Yoshi, and man, did that freak us out.
Jesus Christ, gamers. That was scary. You’ll have to give us a minute to calm down.
Picture it: the ruthless Zabrak warrior, wielding his double-edged lightsaber while mounted on top of one of the anthropomorphic dinosaurs. As a duo, they would be practically unstoppable. The Sith Lord could easily slash you, and then make a quick escape atop his new steed, or worse, he could use the Force to hurl one of Yoshi’s eggs at you. The very thought of it gives us chills.
After this haunting image crept into our minds, we were so perturbed that we had to Google “Darth Maul Yoshi” to make sure it wasn’t real. Of course, we know logically that it’s unlikely Darth Maul would ever run into a Yoshi, let alone team up with one. But even the concept of such a partnership strikes fear into our hearts. What if Darth Maul is able to turn the Yoshi to the dark side? Imagine that! A Sith Yoshi, with red and black spots instead of green and white ones. Who knows what could happen then?
Obviously, we’d like to bring you the latest in gaming news, impressions, and reviews, but we aren’t up to it right now. Holy cow, this is really getting to us.
Here, we’re gonna try to take some deep breaths. That should help. It’s only in our minds after all. Even if there was a Darth Maul-Yoshi combo, they could never get to us. Our doors and windows are all locked, and we live in a safe neighborhood, far away from both Dathomir and the Mushroom Kingdom. It doesn’t matter how much Darth Maul’s face looks like an angry demon, or the terrifying question of why Nintendo’s iconic dinosaur would ever team up with a symbol of pure evil.
Okay, sorry, gamers; now we’re scared again. Jesus.
We’re just going to try to think happy thoughts. Like what if Mario was in an X-wing? That would sure be something, huh? Not to harp on it too much, but that sort of firepower would definitely help him take on the Darth Maul-Yoshi combo. Let’s just focus on that, okay, gamers? Life’s too short to spend all your time living in fear.