As it continues to be a hot-button issue for lawmakers, here are the cases for and against allowing prayer in public schools:
FOR
- Students’ vocabulary expanded to include “tresspasses,” “apostolic,” “prodigal,” “fiery wrath”
- Genuflecting satisfies daily physical activity requirement
- Hypocritical for schools to ban prayer while promoting secular magic such as chemistry and earth science
- Might stave off God’s righteous annihilation of America a little longer
- Gives teachers one goddamn minute of peace and quiet
AGAINST
- Mandated prayer creates hostile environment for the hellbound
- Time spent mindlessly regurgitating invocations could be spent mindlessly regurgitating standardized test material
- Irresponsible to trust untrained children with the immense, fearsome power of prayer
- Underfunded schools lack resources to provide every student with own rattlesnake to handle
- Would require some real constitutional gymnastics to exclude non-Christian prayers