The Case For And Against The U.K. Leaving The E.U.

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British voters will decide Thursday whether the U.K. should remain a member of the European Union. Here are the leading arguments for and against the U.K. leaving the E.U.:

FOR

  • First step in returning Britain to its pre-1970s glory as an economically languishing failed colonial empire
  • In the face of a resurgent Russia and increased threats from ISIS, leaving E.U. would be the best strategy for letting someone else deal with that shit
  • Britons could once again refocus their hatred on internal class divisions
  • One less goddamn flag everyone has to hang up
  • Won’t have to take part in awkward process of denying Bosnia and Herzegovina’s E.U. membership request
  • Throughout its history, Britain has always been a valiant defender of the right of smaller territories to separate from larger, oppressive governments
  • Pretty airtight way for citizens to mask racism as concern for national autonomy

AGAINST

  • Could lead to a chain reaction in which other member states consider leaving and then realize their economy would collapse if they did so
  • Abandonment of E.U. would significantly delay transition to single totalitarian world government
  • Could possibly make things awkward when bumping into Denmark or Malta at United Nations summits
  • The windswept Swiss Alps! The stunning Sagrada Familia! The radiant vineyards of Tuscany!
  • Never a good idea to find yourself on Luxembourg’s bad side
  • Free trade agreements keep price of imported wiener würstchen low
  • Fewer people for David Cameron to order around