The Cost Of Raising A Child

According to a new report by the USDA, the cost of raising a child until age 18 now exceeds $245,000, after which many parents will also have to foot the bill for college. Here is a breakdown of the most common child-care expenditures:

  • $224.99: The same kind of shoes Dylan has
  • $75: Quick succession of turtles
  • $20/hour: Sitter to replace Grandma
  • $900: Better video games than ones at ex-husband’s house
  • $49: All-day park admission for less than two hours at zoo
  • $0: Vaccinations
  • $600: Leadership retreat for 3-year-old
  • $3,000: Unappreciated trip to Europe
  • $10: Pill organizer
  • $5,000: Rewards for children after good, average, poor behavior
  • $90: Just one goddamn photo of all three kids looking nice together, which isn’t too much to ask
  • $12,000: College savings that will be exhausted by first midterm
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