I can't believe Friday's big Presidential Debates might be postponed because John McCain doesn't want to do them! Actually I can believe it. John McCain, who I used to know back in the day, is what you might call a pussy—at least when it comes to being incessantly tortured by the Vietcong, ie, me!

But all kidding aside, these debates are so important for the two candidates to show the American peoples that they are the best person to lead their country and not break down in tears every time they hear a loud bang.

I really want to see how Barack Obama does against my old friend John McCain. It will be a good matchup! I hope that John McCain has gotten his voice back since the last time I saw him. And his eyesight. And put on some clothes other than those old rags he always used to wear. Oh, and I also hope he's not still completely freaking crazy and shaky from all the torturing we were doing to him about 20 hours a day for five years. That would be good.

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Just busting your balls, John McCain, you pussy. I think you're going to do great!