In the wake of the implosion of the Titan submersible during a voyage to view the wreck of the Titanic, deep-sea exploration is in the spotlight as people discuss its merits and dangers. The Onion looks back at key moments in the history of deep-sea exploration.
2.5 Million B.C.E.: Caveman first dunks head completely underwater.
1521: Ferdinand Magellan tries to measure the Pacific Ocean’s depth by throwing a 2,400-foot weighted line over the side of a boat, in what remains the safest-ever attempt at deep-sea exploration.
1818: Disappointed explorers obtain deep-sea worm and jellyfish specimens from depths of 6,500 feet that don’t even have weird eyes or teeth or anything..
1912: Titanic begins its maiden voyage from Southampton, England to the bottom of the Atlantic Ocean.
1976: Shit, just seaweed.
1997: Box-office success of Titanic reminds public of existence of large bodies of water.
2001: World gets stoned and watches Blue Planet.
2014: Deepest-known point of Lake Tahoe discovered by Katie’s iPhone during bachelorette cruise.
2018: 8-year-old Riley Curtis shows his mom he can hold his breath underwater for 20 seconds.
2023: Five rich guys make a whoopsie-doopsie.