The Most Infamous Crimes In Every State

The Most Infamous Crimes In Every State

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The Onion takes a look back at some of the most notorious, heinous, and downright idiotic crimes committed in all 50 states of America.

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Alabama

Alabama

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In 1988, the Ku Klux Klan burned a giant cross at 150 degrees Fahrenheit, exceeding the state’s legal temperature limit by 30 degrees.

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Alaska

Alaska

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In 1989, serial killer Ernest Underwood attempted a murdering spree, driving over 200 miles without encountering a single victim.

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Arizona

Arizona

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In 1863, The Territory of Arizona was established on tribal lands.

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Arkansas

Arkansas

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In 2011, a public school was caught using funds for teachers’ salaries.

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California

California

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Crash wins Best Picture over Brokeback Mountain and Capote at the 78th Academy Awards.

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Colorado

Colorado

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JonBenét Ramsey gets killed in the Colorado State Pageant by over 30 points.

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Connecticut

Connecticut

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What happens behind closed doors is none of our business, darling.

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Delaware

Delaware

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With more corporations in Delaware than people, there is definitely nothing fishy going on there.

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Florida

Florida

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The wacky fan boat heist of 1931 and also the Challenger explosion.

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Georgia

Georgia

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The 1909 Savannah axe murders scandalized the entire state until it was revealed that the city’s Black community had nothing to do with them.

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Hawaii

Hawaii

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Hotels charged guests $14.95 for a little thing of dang macadamia nuts!

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Idaho

Idaho

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In 1936, a local farmer was arrested for massive potato fraud after selling hundreds of brown-painted rocks at market.

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Illinois

Illinois

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In 2008, Rod Blagojevich was convicted of fraud relating to filling the newly elected President Obama’s senate seat for too low of a price.

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Indiana

Indiana

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In 1936, an Indianapolis man murdered his wife and eight others in what investors suspect was a cathartic afternoon.

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Iowa

Iowa

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Due to their lack of infamous crimes, the state of Iowa claimed responsibility for 9/11 in an effort to boost their state’s national recognition.

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Kansas

Kansas

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Mark Ellsworth, a local real estate developer, was arrested for breaking a Kansas law that states no structure shall stand higher than a stalk of corn.

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Kentucky

Kentucky

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Champion thoroughbred Seabiscuit was always suspected but never charged with throwing several high-profile horse races.

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Louisiana

Louisiana

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Many would say it’s a crime that Saints quarterback Drew Brees has only won just one championship during his illustrious career.

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Maine

Maine

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Most of the state was stolen from Canada without anyone noticing.

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Maryland

Maryland

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In 2015, your boyfriend said that the city of Baltimore itself was a character on The Wire.

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Massachusetts

Massachusetts

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Massachusetts residents will never forgive notorious gangster Whitey Bulger for inspiring the mediocre crime movie Black Mass.

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Michigan

Michigan

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Someone from Royal Oak claimed they were from Detroit.

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Minnesota

Minnesota

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Freaking refs got bought out by the Packers or something.

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Mississippi

Mississippi

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They say old man Hicks went funny back in ’83, put his whole family in the thresher one by one, but he don’t talk much and we don’t ask him.

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Missouri

Missouri

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Nicknamed the “Show Me State,” the entire state appears to be admitting to something gross.

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Montana

Montana

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Oil magnate Harold Hamm was arrested in Glacier National Park for hunting humans without a license.

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Nebraska

Nebraska

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It involved a man and a cow. Do you really want to know more?

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Nevada

Nevada

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With its 164,000 slot machines, Nevada boasts the largest amount of elder abuse in the United States.

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New Hampshire

New Hampshire

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In 1861, serial killer H.H. Holmes was born in Gilmanton, and would go on to murder over 20,000 after adjusting for inflation.

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New Jersey

New Jersey

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It just fell out of the back of a truck, whaddya want?

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New Mexico

New Mexico

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In a horrific rights violation, three unidentified individuals have been held captive near Roswell since 1947.

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New York

New York

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Check the source material for some of the weirder SVU episodes.

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North Carolina

North Carolina

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In 1789, 14-year-old farmer Huck Spivey obtained a fake ID to purchase an entire tobacco plantation.

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North Dakota

North Dakota

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Frankly, the fact that North and South Dakota are both states is a crime against the rest of the country.

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Ohio

Ohio

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On one hand, the Kent State Massacre was one of the worst acts committed by the U.S. against its own citizens, but on the plus side, it did inspire a pretty great song by Crosby, Stills, Nash & Young.

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Oklahoma

Oklahoma

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In one of the most reprehensible acts in America history, Oklahoma City bomber Timothy McVeigh ran a stop sign on his way to bomb the Alfred P. Murrah federal building.

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Oregon

Oregon

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There was that whole thing about Sundown towns, but we don’t like to talk about that.

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Pennsylvania

Pennsylvania

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Philadelphia resident Linda Stoudemire settled out of court after pretending to slip and fall inside a Wawa.

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Rhode Island

Rhode Island

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In 1984, thousands of termites were placed under arrest for destroying the foundation of one of the Newport Mansions.

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South Carolina

South Carolina

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The entire state has been in an uproar since 1991 when Mrs. Carson’s hog Violet was robbed of first place at the county fair.

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South Dakota

South Dakota

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A still unsolved heist saw several thieves successfully make off with the 5,000-foot-tall stone monolith of John Adams that used to be affixed to Mount Rushmore.

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Tennessee

Tennessee

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In 1970, Elvis Presley perpetuated the biggest fraud in the United States up to that point when he met President Richard Nixon and pretended not to be into drugs.

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Texas

Texas

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On March 2nd, 1978, for a brief moment, Fort Worth resident Betsy Granger forgot the Alamo.

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Utah

Utah

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Twelve women were found murdered in a crime officials emphasized happens lots of places and had nothing to do with polygamy.

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Vermont

Vermont

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On January 18th, 1982, the unsuccessful hijacking of a syrup truck left 2 dead and 16 sticky.

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Virginia

Virginia

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Man, remember that one time when there were Nazis everywhere? That was pretty bad.

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Washington

Washington

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Notorious Washington serial killer Ted Bundy shocked and disgusted the nation when he opted to attend the 1968 Republican National Convention as a Rockefeller delegate rather than as a Nixon delegate.

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West Virginia

West Virginia

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Hitchhiker forced Walmart trucker David Strauss to drive all the way to California and didn’t even once pitch in for gas before killing him.

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Wisconsin

Wisconsin

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Gary’s wife forced him to go on a low-carb diet, and that just ain’t right.

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Wyoming

Wyoming

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Throughout the winter of 1990, the infamous Ski-Lift Shover allegedly pushed nearly 10,000 people off of resort ski lifts.

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