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“I’m not saying another fucking word until I see that $5 million check.”
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“I don’t think we’ve actually talked about this before, but the original plan during the early days of rehearsals was that I was going to use the show as a launching pad to a successful film career, but ultimately we decided to go in a different direction.”
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“Oh, fun! Looks like the whole cast’s shock collars still work.”
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“One thing I regret creatively from the show is how the antics of Chandler, Joey, and Ross contributed to the emasculation of the American male. We made it seem like the feminist castration of male power was somehow silly or okay, and I will never live that down.”
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“Oh god, there’s blood. Blood everywhere.”
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“Obviously, Chandler died of a heart attack a couple years after the show ended and I drowned our children in the Central Park reservoir.”
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“My favorite memory of Friends is definitely watching it on Nick At Nite as a kid growing up.”
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“Everyone here who starred in Along Came Polly go ahead and raise your hand. Yeah, that’s what I thought.”
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“Target, H&M, Pringles, Coca-Cola, obviously. McDonald’s, Ashley Furniture, BP, Budweiser, Peet’s Coffee, Dyson, Bic. And then of course, there’s Citibank and Skittles!”
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“The biggest impact we had on the culture was probably inventing lesbians.”
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“Instead of a coffee shop, the show was actually supposed to be set at a halal butcher, but the network changed it at the last minute since it wasn’t safe to have that much raw meat around.”
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“Hello. I would like to be a friend.”
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“That monkey taught me everything I know about flinging my own feces while tugging on my dick.”
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“Everyone got paid for their episodes in cash, but as part of my contract, I was getting paid in raw Italian marble. It’s one of the most durable, long-lasting building materials on the market. I gotta thank my agent for setting that up for me.”
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“After the show ended, it took me a good three months to figure out how to leave the set. There were so many doors and hallways, it was like a maze. Luckily, Courteney was there to help me out.”
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“My character was originally a socially awkward theoretical physicist who had been a child prodigy, with David and Matthew as my nerdy best friends who put up with me. But that concept got retooled and released later as Scrubs.”
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“I’ve actually never been inside an apartment in real life.”
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Jennifer Aniston: “My life is a nightmare. All my fame and riches have amounted to nothing but a mountain of empty acquisition that has separated me from true joy. A hollow tower from which I look down on the world and long for the simple pleasures of a quiet walk and human connection.”
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“As a little surprise, I placed over 200 pounds of C4 explosives all over this room.”
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