Buying a dog is hard enough without having to care for a twisted, genetic monstrosity produced from thousands of years of canine inbreeding. Here are the most unethical kinds of dogs you can purchase, and why you should avoid them.
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Teacup Teacup Pomeranian
Teacup Teacup Pomeranian
The miniaturized version of the already tiny teacup Pomeranian fits on a silver dollar and is so fragile it must be pet with a feather.
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Pekingese
Pekingese
Although the breed has since tried to bury this shameful period in its history, the pekingese community was one of the strongest opponents of the 1965 Voting Rights Act.
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Jack Russell Terrier
Jack Russell Terrier
Dies when you pet it.
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Labradiesel
Labradiesel
Unfortunately, the Labrador-Vin Diesel hybrids have the health issues of the labrador on top of severely limited range.
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Golden Retrievers
Golden Retrievers
They’ve appeared in over 15 Woody Allen movies and are willing to be in one again if craft services maintain the high quality of treats.
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Dalmatian
Dalmatian
It has never been entirely clear why, but 10% of the money from every Dalmatian purchase goes to Boko Haram.
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French Bulldog
French Bulldog
Their disproportionately large skulls mean most Frenchies must be delivered via C-section, ruining the birth plans the pregnant dogs created with their doulas.
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English Hip Dysplasia Hound
English Hip Dysplasia Hound
Bred as a macabre joke in the 1850s, animal lovers stopped laughing long ago.
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Cat
Cat
Generations of harmful inbreeding are responsible for this freakish dog breed.
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Pit Bulls
Pit Bulls
Owners consistently refuse to allow these athletes the freedom to follow their instincts and fight in cages.
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Pug
Pug
Pugs have obstructed nasal passages, and will actually experience a much higher quality of life if put to death in a pound.
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Cerberus
Cerberus
While cute, the genetically engineered three heads make it impossible for this dog to breathe.
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Corgi
Corgi
The breeding process to produce a litter of Corgi puppies requires roughly 60 barrels of oil, releasing about 15 tons of CO2 into the atmosphere.
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Doberman
Doberman
Though obedient, Dobermans require a diet of at least one sleeping preschooler a day.
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Beagle
Beagle
While they are generally affectionate, healthy dogs, beagles are known to engage in lobbying members of congress on behalf of the tobacco industry.
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Labrador
Labrador
These beautiful creatures are sadly bred for the sole purpose of having their tail violently yanked by your dumb kids.
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White Rhino
White Rhino
There are only about 2,000 of these creatures left on earth, so be prepared for some dirty looks if you put a collar on one and name it “Scout.”
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Leashed in Front of CVS
Leashed in Front of CVS
It doesn’t matter how precious they are, that is not your dog.
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