NATO is in the news as tensions rise between member states and Russia over a potential military conflict in Ukraine. The Onion answers the most common questions about the history and role of NATO.
Q: What does NATO stand for?
A: Looks like someone’s been educated in the U.S.
Q: Why was NATO founded?
A: To make sure military contractors still had something to do after World War II ended.
Q: What benefits are there to being in NATO?
A: A 15% discount from select retailers at participating locations.
Q: What’s the main purpose of NATO?
A: To barely avoid starting World War III a few times a year.
Q: How does NATO help the U.S.?
A: Americans can sleep well at night knowing Slovakia is watching over them.
Q: What does NATO do?
A: Preserves existing conflicts of interest and prevents any efforts to improve the economic status quo.
Q: How do countries join NATO?
A: Their leader must drink a bottle of Icelandic Brennivín and run across the Balkan states naked.
Q: Isn’t NATO just a bunch of bureaucrats who don’t ever accomplish anything?
A: You’re thinking of the U.N.
Q: What’s NATO’s most successful instance of conflict prevention to date?
A: Organizing the seating at the 1997 summit in a way that satisfied everyone.
Q: Can we join NATO?
A: Get out of here, Finland!