“If it weren’t for The Onion’s commitment to journalistic excellence, how else would you explain their decision to publish my praise of their exemplary efforts?”
Sam Clinton • Systems Analyst
"Oh, yeah! You guys always know what day of the week it is! Yesterday, I thought it was Wednesday, but you set me straight! Thanks!"
Lynn Collins • Polymerization Helper
"Out of my way! I have no time to listen to your question. I must get my copy of The Onion before the dispenser runs out."
Seth Atkins • Babbitter