‘The Onion’ Looks Back On Tom Brady’s Career As The New England Patriots All-Time Greatest Kisser

‘The Onion’ Looks Back On Tom Brady’s Career As The New England Patriots All-Time Greatest Kisser

PublishedMarch 18, 2020

We may earn a commission from links on this page.

Image for article titled ‘The Onion’ Looks Back On Tom Brady’s Career As The New England Patriots All-Time Greatest Kisser

Advertisement

2 / 36

Cryptic Bill Belichick Insists He’s Never Heard Of A Man Named Tom Brady

Cryptic Bill Belichick Insists He’s Never Heard Of A Man Named Tom Brady

Image for article titled ‘The Onion’ Looks Back On Tom Brady’s Career As The New England Patriots All-Time Greatest Kisser

Advertisement

3 / 36

Female Fans Out For Season With Tom Brady’s Knee Injury

Female Fans Out For Season With Tom Brady’s Knee Injury

Image for article titled ‘The Onion’ Looks Back On Tom Brady’s Career As The New England Patriots All-Time Greatest Kisser

Advertisement

4 / 36

Eli Manning Wins Biggest Game Of Tom Brady’s Life

Eli Manning Wins Biggest Game Of Tom Brady’s Life

Image for article titled ‘The Onion’ Looks Back On Tom Brady’s Career As The New England Patriots All-Time Greatest Kisser

Advertisement

5 / 36

Patriots’ Season Perfect For Rest Of Nation

Patriots’ Season Perfect For Rest Of Nation

Image for article titled ‘The Onion’ Looks Back On Tom Brady’s Career As The New England Patriots All-Time Greatest Kisser

Advertisement

6 / 36

Hush Falls Over Patriots Camp As Tom Brady’s First 10 Passes Go 3 Yards

Hush Falls Over Patriots Camp As Tom Brady’s First 10 Passes Go 3 Yards

Image for article titled ‘The Onion’ Looks Back On Tom Brady’s Career As The New England Patriots All-Time Greatest Kisser

Advertisement

7 / 36

Tom Brady Clearly Receiving Preferential Treatment From NFL

Tom Brady Clearly Receiving Preferential Treatment From NFL

Image for article titled ‘The Onion’ Looks Back On Tom Brady’s Career As The New England Patriots All-Time Greatest Kisser

Advertisement

8 / 36

Tom Brady: ‘I’d Have Booed Us Too, But Patriots Fans Are Still Ungrateful Front-Running Shitheads’

Tom Brady: ‘I’d Have Booed Us Too, But Patriots Fans Are Still Ungrateful Front-Running Shitheads’

Image for article titled ‘The Onion’ Looks Back On Tom Brady’s Career As The New England Patriots All-Time Greatest Kisser

Advertisement

9 / 36

Area Man Wonders What Gisele Bundchen And Tom Brady Talk About

Area Man Wonders What Gisele Bundchen And Tom Brady Talk About

Image for article titled ‘The Onion’ Looks Back On Tom Brady’s Career As The New England Patriots All-Time Greatest Kisser

Advertisement

10 / 36

Unscathed Tom Brady Walks Away From Car Crash In Slow Motion

Unscathed Tom Brady Walks Away From Car Crash In Slow Motion

Image for article titled ‘The Onion’ Looks Back On Tom Brady’s Career As The New England Patriots All-Time Greatest Kisser

Advertisement

11 / 36

After Watching Tom Brady Highlight, Every Man, Woman, And Child In America Dreams Of Love

After Watching Tom Brady Highlight, Every Man, Woman, And Child In America Dreams Of Love

Image for article titled ‘The Onion’ Looks Back On Tom Brady’s Career As The New England Patriots All-Time Greatest Kisser

Advertisement

12 / 36

Massachusetts Evacuated To Prevent Any Contact With Tom Brady’s Knee

Massachusetts Evacuated To Prevent Any Contact With Tom Brady’s Knee

Image for article titled ‘The Onion’ Looks Back On Tom Brady’s Career As The New England Patriots All-Time Greatest Kisser

Advertisement

13 / 36

Tom Brady: ‘Joe Montana Sucks And I Am Better Than Him’

Tom Brady: ‘Joe Montana Sucks And I Am Better Than Him’

Image for article titled ‘The Onion’ Looks Back On Tom Brady’s Career As The New England Patriots All-Time Greatest Kisser

Advertisement

14 / 36

Nation Can’t Wait To Hear Patriots Fans’ Excuses This Time

Nation Can’t Wait To Hear Patriots Fans’ Excuses This Time

Image for article titled ‘The Onion’ Looks Back On Tom Brady’s Career As The New England Patriots All-Time Greatest Kisser

Advertisement

15 / 36

Nation Prepares For Long Week Of Seeing Photos Of Tom Brady Lifting Super Bowl Trophy

Nation Prepares For Long Week Of Seeing Photos Of Tom Brady Lifting Super Bowl Trophy

Image for article titled ‘The Onion’ Looks Back On Tom Brady’s Career As The New England Patriots All-Time Greatest Kisser

Advertisement

16 / 36

Resilient Tom Brady Critics Already Looking Ahead To Next Season

Resilient Tom Brady Critics Already Looking Ahead To Next Season

Image for article titled ‘The Onion’ Looks Back On Tom Brady’s Career As The New England Patriots All-Time Greatest Kisser

Advertisement

17 / 36

Tom Brady Keeps Referring To Self As ‘Golden Boy’ While Denying Cheating Allegations

Tom Brady Keeps Referring To Self As ‘Golden Boy’ While Denying Cheating Allegations

Image for article titled ‘The Onion’ Looks Back On Tom Brady’s Career As The New England Patriots All-Time Greatest Kisser

Advertisement

18 / 36

Roger Goodell Vows To Punish Whoever Responsible For Suspending Tom Brady

Roger Goodell Vows To Punish Whoever Responsible For Suspending Tom Brady

Image for article titled ‘The Onion’ Looks Back On Tom Brady’s Career As The New England Patriots All-Time Greatest Kisser

Advertisement

19 / 36

Tom Brady Haunted By Destroyed Cell Phone Ringing Beneath Floorboards

Tom Brady Haunted By Destroyed Cell Phone Ringing Beneath Floorboards

Image for article titled ‘The Onion’ Looks Back On Tom Brady’s Career As The New England Patriots All-Time Greatest Kisser

Advertisement

20 / 36

Panicking Tom Brady Unable To Stop Smirking Since Suspension Overturned

Panicking Tom Brady Unable To Stop Smirking Since Suspension Overturned

Image for article titled ‘The Onion’ Looks Back On Tom Brady’s Career As The New England Patriots All-Time Greatest Kisser

Advertisement

21 / 36

Patriots Hoping Emaciated Tom Brady Will End Hunger Strike Over Suspension Appeal In Time For Training Camp

Patriots Hoping Emaciated Tom Brady Will End Hunger Strike Over Suspension Appeal In Time For Training Camp

Image for article titled ‘The Onion’ Looks Back On Tom Brady’s Career As The New England Patriots All-Time Greatest Kisser

Advertisement

22 / 36

Tom Brady Dedicates Patriots’ Victory To America’s Cold-Blooded Goliaths

Tom Brady Dedicates Patriots’ Victory To America’s Cold-Blooded Goliaths

Image for article titled ‘The Onion’ Looks Back On Tom Brady’s Career As The New England Patriots All-Time Greatest Kisser

Advertisement

23 / 36

Roger Goodell Dumps Box With Broken Pieces Of Lombardi Trophy In Front Of Tom Brady

Roger Goodell Dumps Box With Broken Pieces Of Lombardi Trophy In Front Of Tom Brady

Image for article titled ‘The Onion’ Looks Back On Tom Brady’s Career As The New England Patriots All-Time Greatest Kisser

Advertisement

24 / 36

Brandin Cooks Receives Call From Tom Brady Saying How Excited He Is To Be Tom Brady

Brandin Cooks Receives Call From Tom Brady Saying How Excited He Is To Be Tom Brady

Image for article titled ‘The Onion’ Looks Back On Tom Brady’s Career As The New England Patriots All-Time Greatest Kisser

Advertisement

25 / 36

Tom Brady Applies Eye Black To Crow’s Feet

Tom Brady Applies Eye Black To Crow’s Feet

Image for article titled ‘The Onion’ Looks Back On Tom Brady’s Career As The New England Patriots All-Time Greatest Kisser

Advertisement

26 / 36

Embarrassed Health Guru Informs Tom Brady He’s Been Mistakenly Following Toxic Diet Regimen

Embarrassed Health Guru Informs Tom Brady He’s Been Mistakenly Following Toxic Diet Regimen

Image for article titled ‘The Onion’ Looks Back On Tom Brady’s Career As The New England Patriots All-Time Greatest Kisser

Advertisement

27 / 36

Tom Brady Admits To Playing With Matt Ryan’s Chip On Shoulder

Tom Brady Admits To Playing With Matt Ryan’s Chip On Shoulder

Image for article titled ‘The Onion’ Looks Back On Tom Brady’s Career As The New England Patriots All-Time Greatest Kisser

Advertisement

28 / 36

Tom Brady Unfazed By Completely Detached Right Hand

Tom Brady Unfazed By Completely Detached Right Hand

Image for article titled ‘The Onion’ Looks Back On Tom Brady’s Career As The New England Patriots All-Time Greatest Kisser

Advertisement

29 / 36

Tom Brady Reveals That Humanity Will Perish Long Before He Retires

Tom Brady Reveals That Humanity Will Perish Long Before He Retires

Image for article titled ‘The Onion’ Looks Back On Tom Brady’s Career As The New England Patriots All-Time Greatest Kisser

Advertisement

30 / 36

Aging Tom Brady Decides To Conserve Energy By No Longer Returning Kicks

Aging Tom Brady Decides To Conserve Energy By No Longer Returning Kicks

Image for article titled ‘The Onion’ Looks Back On Tom Brady’s Career As The New England Patriots All-Time Greatest Kisser

Advertisement

31 / 36

Tom Brady Feeling Guilty After Gorging Self On Full Order Of Kansas-City-Style Tap Water

Tom Brady Feeling Guilty After Gorging Self On Full Order Of Kansas-City-Style Tap Water

Image for article titled ‘The Onion’ Looks Back On Tom Brady’s Career As The New England Patriots All-Time Greatest Kisser

Advertisement

32 / 36

‘No God, Please Not Now,’ Yells Rapidly Aging Tom Brady As Old Crone’s Spell Begins To Wear Off During Super Bowl

‘No God, Please Not Now,’ Yells Rapidly Aging Tom Brady As Old Crone’s Spell Begins To Wear Off During Super Bowl

Image for article titled ‘The Onion’ Looks Back On Tom Brady’s Career As The New England Patriots All-Time Greatest Kisser

Advertisement

33 / 36

‘This One Means The Least Of All,’ Says Tom Brady Accepting Super Bowl Trophy

‘This One Means The Least Of All,’ Says Tom Brady Accepting Super Bowl Trophy

Image for article titled ‘The Onion’ Looks Back On Tom Brady’s Career As The New England Patriots All-Time Greatest Kisser

Advertisement

34 / 36

Patriots Bring Up Young Rookie From Practice Squad To Provide Fresh Blood For Tom Brady

Patriots Bring Up Young Rookie From Practice Squad To Provide Fresh Blood For Tom Brady

Image for article titled ‘The Onion’ Looks Back On Tom Brady’s Career As The New England Patriots All-Time Greatest Kisser

Advertisement

35 / 36

Tom Brady: ‘I Want To Thank All The Insufferable New England Fans For Giving Me A Reason To Get The Hell Out Of Here’

Tom Brady: ‘I Want To Thank All The Insufferable New England Fans For Giving Me A Reason To Get The Hell Out Of Here’

Image for article titled ‘The Onion’ Looks Back On Tom Brady’s Career As The New England Patriots All-Time Greatest Kisser

Advertisement

36 / 36