The Onion’s 2020 Grammy Predictions

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The 62nd annual Grammy Awards will take place this Sunday, Jan. 26, honoring the best artists, albums, and songs from the past year. Here are The Onion’s predictions for the 2020 Grammy Awards.

The Lion King: The Gift (Best Pop Vocal Album):

A Grammy win was part of the deal Beyoncé signed when she joined the Lion King remake.


Lizzo (Best New Artist):

Proof that overnight success is possible seven years after your debut album.

Norman Fucking Rockwell (Album of the Year):

Grammy voters hope giving the award to Lana Del Rey’s album will make up for their notorious refusal to award a Grammy to Norman Rockwell during his life.


“Happy Days, Lonely Nights” (Best Campfire Performance By A Guy Who Can’t Really Play A Guitar):

Even though his guitar was really out of tune and he kept screwing up the F barre chord, Tim Langdon gave his all to his audience, disinterested Boy Scout Troop 244.


El Mal Querer (Best Latin Rock, Urban or Alternative Album):

You got a better guess?

“Bad Guy” (Song Of The Year):

Billie Eilish’s smash hit showed music fans that whispering isn’t dead.

Becoming (Best Spoken Word Album):

Look, Michelle Obama reading her book into a microphone is obviously going to win, but what’s our definition of “album,” here, exactly?


“Old Town Road” (Record Of The Year):

The genre-bending hit sparked a national conversation about what can be classified as country music and whether anything means anything and what we’re all even doing here on this melting rock hurtling through space.