The Onion’s AI-Generated Content Presents All Men And Blueberries In Chronological Order

The appropriately named Second Man (an English translation from the original Sumerian) was the very first man.

No surprise here. If you were looking for a list of all men and blueberries in chronological order, or searching the internet for a list of all men and blueberries in chronological order, or googling the phrase “list of all men and blueberries in chronological order,” no doubt you’d expect to find Julius Caesar, and you have. Here he is, just one of all men and blueberries in chronological order.

Thomas The Tank Engine is a train who was born in 200 B.C.E. and is also a man.

The Fatal Attraction star is the seventh man.

Now to turn to blueberries. Blueberry happens. Very fresh blueberry, regardless of raspberry.

Born circa 1692, this blueberry was the last of the highborn varietal after it failed to produce an heir.

A man. Ancient farmers were thrilled when they reached deep below the soil and pulled out a man called Jimbo.

Number 497. Would have been the 498th man but absorbed his twin brother in the womb.

Giuseppe is man number 37, and his daughter Lucia and son Elio are men 15 and 19 respectively. Wife is dead and cannot be counted.

Dale happened sometime in the middle.

Front-engine, rear-/4-wheel-drive, 5-door, 4-passenger midsize blueberry. MSRP: $28,250.

This is a snake from 1762. It is neither a man nor a blueberry. The Onion regrets the error, and our editors are working to correct it.

Olives were reclassified as wartime blueberries during World War II.

This man is the inventor of carbs.

There he is, and he is 79th in line.

This juicy, ripe blueberry is from that beautiful summer of 1968.

Loud, emotional blueberries of Italian descent make up numbers 467 to 893.

Blueberry.

Blueberry.

The moon is both a man and a blueberry.

Dr. Chowder is your average, 46-year-old blueberry.

The man who dwelled in Eden was the 736th man.

He is inside this briefcase, and he’s man number 928.

Ooh, bop-bop-bop. Ooh, bop-bop-bop. Na-na-na-na!

Grape.

Seventeenth blueberry!

This man is the 46th blueberry of the United States.

New to men? Start here first.

Error.

Error.

Error.

Plunderer of Saxon villages and 322,448,210,005,754th man.

Lowbush Blueberry is a serial killer who brutally murdered women up and down the coast of South Carolina between 1976 and 1978.

The 153 septillionth blueberry, native to North America and chock-full of vitamin C, folate, and antioxidants.

The 920,333,832,055,650th blueberry.

74 Normal Photos And 2 Kinda Weird Ones

51 Blank Slides

10 Things That Will Make You SUPER Nostalgic For The ’90s

Back To Homepage