The Onion’s Guide To Blockchain Technology

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Blockchain technology forms the foundation for cryptocurrencies such as Bitcoin, Dogecoin, and Ethereum, but it can be difficult to understand how it actually works. The Onion answers common questions about blockchain technology.

Q: How does blockchain work?

A: Do you want to talk science shit or do you want to make some fucking money?

Q: Who uses blockchain?

A: Ordinary folks in charge of million-dollar cryptocurrency accounts and diamond supply chains.


Q: How much is a blockchain?

A: It’s only $250 per block of chain. A steal, if you ask us.

Q: What is the benefit of using blockchain?

A: Provides a more efficient way for you to lose all your money at once.

Q: Is the system fully secure from hackers?

A: Nothing that bad has happened yet, so we’re just going to say yes.

Q: How do banks feel about blockchain technology?

A: As long as banks still find a way to exploit the poor, they couldn’t care less.


Q: Is there really child pornography encoded into Bitcoin’s blockchain?

A: Only a little bit!

Q: Would widespread use further entrench us in our dependence on technology without which we would be plunged into a horrifying new dark age?


A: Yes.