The Onion’s Guide To Clubhouse

Illustration for article titled The Onion’s Guide To Clubhouse

Clubhouse, an invite-only audio app, has recently been the subject of both praise and scrutiny. The Onion takes a deep dive into the biggest questions surrounding the new app.


Q: What’s the purpose of Clubhouse?

A: To connect eavesdroppers with blowhards.

Q: What makes it different from other social media sites?

A: You have to ask for permission to speak before harassing people.

Q: How can I sign up?

A: You? On Clubhouse? Please. You’re embarrassing yourself.

Q: Who’s the target audience?

A: Only elite interlocutors looking to avoid the vulgar hoi polloi of a common TedTalk.

Q: How has Clubhouse made the audio-only format accessible to deaf users?

A: Again, it’s very exclusive.

Q: Is Clubhouse controversial?

A: There are already reports that it’s providing a safe haven for violent factions of multi-level marketers.

Q: Is anyone in the chat rooms talking about me?

A: They’re only talking about you.