The Onion’s Guide To Critical Race Theory

Illustration for article titled The Onion’s Guide To Critical Race Theory

A mounting effort by some Republican lawmakers to ban the teaching of critical race theory in U.S. schools has prompted debate about what it is and its place in American education. The Onion answers the most common questions about critical race theory and the debate surrounding its teaching.

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Q: What is critical race theory?
A: An academic concept that racism is a social construct embedded into legal systems, government policies, and in-laws.

Q: Should critical race theory be taught in our schools?
A: Not unless we’re aiming for fewer white supremacists.

Q: Won’t teaching it just make other kids hate my white children?
A: Your kids are already insufferable and widely despised.

Q: Why do some people condemn critical race theory? 
A: Misplaced sexual frustrations.

Q: Does critical race theory instill the belief that all white people are racist?
A: Academics are way too timid to pull off something like that.

Q: Why are conservatives attacking it so aggressively? 
A: They have come to view Joe Biden as too nonthreatening of a target.

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Q: Is it true that critical race theory opposes empiricism and embraces science as a causal mechanism?
A: You’re thinking of critical realism theory, moron.

Q: Will incorporating critical race theory into education curriculums lead to a less racist society? 
A: Probably not, but might as well mix it up a bit in history class.

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