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The Onion’s Guide To Renewable Energy

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Renewable energy is on the rise as it becomes cheaper to produce the necessary tools and systems for transitioning the planet to a greener future. The Onion presents a glossary to common terms in the renewable energy space.

Wind Turbine: Electromechanical device that converts the wind’s kinetic energy into dead birds.

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Hydropower: It’s like when you flush a toilet.

Recyclable: Not accepted by your local recycling plant.

Carbon Credit: Certified proof that the wealthy can continue doing whatever they want.

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Wood: Tree bones.

Offshore Wind Farm: Wind-based power plant built specifically to ruin ocean views from rich assholes’ beach houses.

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Sen. Jim Inhofe (R-OK): New acquisition that will save the company millions in infrastructure upgrade costs.

Biohazards: The people running oil companies.

Green Hydrogen: Hydrogen produced via water electrolysis that America would happily use as a weapon of war.

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Earth: Dying planet you’re reading this from.