Renewable energy is on the rise as it becomes cheaper to produce the necessary tools and systems for transitioning the planet to a greener future. The Onion presents a glossary to common terms in the renewable energy space.
Wind Turbine: Electromechanical device that converts the wind’s kinetic energy into dead birds.
Hydropower: It’s like when you flush a toilet.
Recyclable: Not accepted by your local recycling plant.
Carbon Credit: Certified proof that the wealthy can continue doing whatever they want.
Wood: Tree bones.
Offshore Wind Farm: Wind-based power plant built specifically to ruin ocean views from rich assholes’ beach houses.
Sen. Jim Inhofe (R-OK): New acquisition that will save the company millions in infrastructure upgrade costs.
Biohazards: The people running oil companies.
Green Hydrogen: Hydrogen produced via water electrolysis that America would happily use as a weapon of war.
Earth: Dying planet you’re reading this from.