
The Onion’s Guide To The 2021 Oscars: Best Actress
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Viola Davis

- Birthplace: Shondaland, ABC
- How She Transformed Herself For The Role: Davis used makeup and prosthetics like a goddamn professional, not risking her health by binge-eating, Bale
- Off-Screen Hobbies: Method gardening
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Andra Day

- Favorite Jazz Artist: Jason Mraz
- Scootily Bee Ba-Bop Da Do Bop: A Skeeby deeby doo bop
- Historical Idol: Feels a lot of pressure now to say Billie Holiday
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Vanessa Kirby

- Nationality: Bri’ish
- Pip Pip: Cheerio!
- Why Was She Nominated: Five seemed like a good number of nominees
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Frances McDormand

- What’s Next: McDormand is quietly developing a second facial expression
- Coen Brother She Married To: Joel Monday through Wednesday, Ethan Thursday through Sunday
- Career Goal: Increase the representation of Frances McDormand in film
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Carey Mulligan

- Believability Level Of American Accent: 86%
- Political Causes: Serbian nationalism
- Preparation For The Role: Determinedly lived in the world as a woman for 35 years straight
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