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- Career Beginnings: Yet another Hollywood actress churned out by the talent farm that is the Bulgarian film industry
- Acting style: Slavic
- Real Age: 11
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- Hey, Mama Mia!: That’s Meryl Streep
- Number Of Days She’s Continued Speaking In Appalachian Accent After Film Wrapped Up Shooting: 427
- Best Known For: Movies
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- Controversy: Continues to win American acting awards as if tens of thousands didn’t perish in the Revolutionary War to stop the British from taking our trophies
- Signature Move: Smiling gawkily, looking slightly surprised in an innocent way, becoming increasingly stern, and then shouting
- Career High: Being here with you in this slideshow
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- Preparation For The Role: Underwent a painful, experimental surgery to swap her eyeballs with those of a dog
- Natural Hair Color: None of your fucking business you misogynistic piece of shit
- Expected Acceptance Speech Topic: Nothing, as she plans to stare at the audience, making disconcerting eye contact with each one of them, before leaving the stage 3 minutes later.
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- First Role: This, as far as you know, you uncultured moron
- Oscar Ceremony Goals: Get Gary Oldman’s number
- Advice To Aspiring Actors: “Kiss the ring, motherfuckers.”
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