The nation’s roughly 3 trillion networks and streaming services have unveiled their spring TV lineups, bringing highly publicized debuts and new seasons of beloved shows to homes across the country. The Onion runs down the most anticipated programming of spring 2022.
Halo (Paramount+): This adaptation of the iconic video game is perfect for viewers who love action and adventure but find holding an Xbox controller too strenuous.
Moon Knight (Disney+): We guess it’s about a guy who doesn’t sleep very well? Are these really still based on comics?
Gaslit (Starz): What are you talking about? That’s not a real show. You’re always imagining things.
The First Lady (Showtime): This anthology series follows former first ladies Betty Ford, Eleanor Roosevelt, and Michelle Obama as they face the trials and tribulations of not having a job and just getting to hang out in nice places all the time.
Full 13-Episode Season Of Action Series Starring Clive Owen No One Remembers Making (Netflix): Well, it’s here now, so someone should watch it.
Wheel Of Fortune (Syndicated): This show has been too beloved for too long for anyone to believe Pat and Vanna won’t survive last season’s cliffhanger helicopter crash.
Love Is Synesthetic (Netflix): Building off the success of Love Is Blind, this reality show follows six couples as they try to see a future together despite being able to hear colors.
Pachinko (Apple TV+): You have to admire these companies’ tenacity to continue producing content no one will watch.