The Onion’s Summer 2022 Movie Preview

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With the coronavirus pandemic pretend over and summer in full swing, Americans are headed back inside to the movie theaters where it’s nice and cool. The Onion highlights the most-anticipated films of summer 2022.

Bullet Train: Brad Pitt stars as one of five assassins on the same train in this thriller funded by the U.S. government as a cautionary tale against the dangers of efficient mass transit.


Marcel The Shell With Shoes On: Producers are confident they can capitalize on the success of the short that went viral just 12 years ago.

Nope: The new Jordan Peele flick offers white people the opportunity to misunderstand the point of his movies for a third time.


Thor: Love and Thunder: Natalie Portman returns to the MCU in this highly anticipated trailer for Black Panther: Wakanda Forever.

DC League Of Super-Pets: No, idiot, we’re just telling our parents that’s what we’re seeing when we sneak into Bullet Train.


Firestarter: This has been out for more than a month, so you know it sucks by now.

Elvis: The Baz Luhrmann film is already garnering praise for the amazing, authentic performance of Christopher Sommers as radio program director Horace Logan.


The Black Phone: This thought-provoking drama encourages audiences to rethink all their preconceived notions about fucked-up guys who kidnap children and imprison them in their basement.