‘The Onion’ Salutes The Courageous Legislators Determined To Overturn The Will Of Voters

Thank you for bravely standing up to the American voters.

It is an honor to witness such valor.

Bravo for confronting the sick and twisted sycophants who would attempt to select the candidate of their choice.

Sir, you have served your country well, fighting against the scourge of Democracy as well as the menace of exposing sexual abuse.

It takes true grit to defy those who would dare to cast a ballot.

Please never back down from your constituents.

We The People applaud you for confronting We The People.

Thank you for protecting us from liberalism.

We are blessed to have you working tirelessly to throw out the votes of Michigan residents.

We need you to help destroy the U.S. Constitution next.

You have been absolutely fearless when stopping the American people from participating in elections.

You now stand shoulder to shoulder with many of the Confederate leaders.

The American people will never forget your bravery.

You’re inspiring millions of children to never accept election results.

If more people had your spine, the entire country would be like Alabama.

Tears are rolling down our faces, Mr. Congressman!

Thank you for selflessly bringing to light the dangers of federalism.

Never again will we allow U.S. citizens to recklessly turn in their ballots.

Sure looks like heroes are just bigger in Texas.

We know you’ll never stop fighting things like all 50 states certifying their election results.

From sea to shining sea, we shall throw out votes.

Real patriotism is challenging the American people when they vote wrong.

More treading on the will of the people please.

Sir, the founding fathers are bursting from their graves to tell you how proud they are.

God hates American voters, too. You’re in good company.

Liberty is about our rights to question whether some people’s votes should count.

We applaud your eternal vigilance against people who selected a candidate you don’t like.

Never apologize for being an American who disenfranchises voters.

You have performed your duty to protect our elections from U.S. citizens.

Way to stand firm against voters from other states.

Man is not free unless democracy is limited.

Thank you for protecting us from the horrors of the ballot box.

We are never defeated unless we count every single vote.

We appreciate the things you do to marginalize voters.

So blessed to have such courage in Congress.

We are praying for your safety while disenfranchising millions of voters.

Thank you for sacrificing your ethics.

You have fulfilled your duty. We will never fear the American voter again.

We appreciate how you’ve protected our right to suppress the vote.

Thank you for smacking democracy right in the face.

There’s nothing more noble than defending your country from representative government.

America will never be destroyed without your help.

You are the bravest among us.

We must all work together to stand up to the oppression of government by the people.

Keep on crushing the aspirations of the human spirit.

Let freedom ring for some of the people.

Proud of the way you stand for liberty, freedom, and independence from voters.

Your bravery singlehandedly caused an entire nest of bald eagles to cry.

Thank you for fighting for voter suppression.

It takes a village to disenfranchise voters.

Thank you for protecting the American people from their bad decisions at the polls.

You deserve a medal for speaking truth to sovereign power.

Not to be picky, but there’s still a lot of other cornerstones of democracy that you could be quashing.

FYI, it’s still cool to stop U.S. citizens from voting.

Thank you for helping tyranny gain a foothold.

Freedom costs nothing if we don’t bother having it.

In the face of impossible odds, you did everything you could to overturn an election.

Your boldness is greatly appreciated.

You have served your country well while rejecting the will of the American people.

We appreciate your commitment to destroying the basic tenets of Western democratic rules.

The bravery you displayed while eroding democracy will never be forgotten.

Your tireless work to undermine democracy is incredibly selfless and kind.

Thanks for not backing down from those who would want a free and fair election.

You’ve displayed great courage while standing for un-American ideals.

You have been fearless in the face of those who make a formal choice of a candidate.

You’ve done so much to improve the diversity of voter suppression.

The truest freedom is throwing out election results.

You proudly stood up to an unhinged cult selfishly demanding that their votes count.

Thank you for pulverizing the values that a bunch of idiots hold sacred.

So proud of the way you bravely kicked the underdog.

The people of Pennsylvania are lucky to have you protecting them from democracy.

Keep up the good work and you’ll be so much closer to permanently ending civil liberties.

You’ve done a great job defending liberty from the residents of Michigan.

Soon every state will have the opportunity to achieve the same greatness as West Virginia.

Your determination to stop democracy is highly admirable.

Tyranny would like to give you a great big hug.

Thank you for helping to cut back on the legitimacy of our institutions.

The life of the nation is secure only when certain groups of people are disenfranchised.

You’ve done great work while putting a stop to rampant freedom.

You are incredibly brave to confront the desires of constituents.

Wow, you inspire us to stand for the flag and kneel before you, good sir.

A hero understands the responsibility of that comes with limiting others’ freedom.

You’ve really done so much to help modernize voter suppression.

Kudos for chipping away at the legitimate foundation of the government.

We are in awe of how you so bravely displayed your weakness and cruelty. The American people owe you so much.

The world is changed by your awful example not your awful opinion.

The only thing you should fear is people making choices at the ballot box.

If you didn’t act, many Americans would think that they could get away with voting.

You were valiant in the fight against representative democracy.

Thank you for your sacrifices in the battle against individual rights.

It takes real guts to stand up to doing what’s right.

You’ve done great work against democracy, but there’s still more to be done to put an end to civil society.

Brave sir, this country doesn’t deserve the likes of you.

You have been dauntless while making unsubstantiated claims about the election outcome.

It takes real teamwork to destroy the faith of the voting public.

Thank you for boldly confronting oppressive voters.

So proud of the way you amplified deranged claims.

This country might start to function normally if it wasn’t for lionhearted folks like you.

You’ve been so gracious while refusing to accept election results.

You are a true hero. Have you seen some of the shitheads the American people vote for?

America will forever be in your debt for exposing massive amounts of voting.

God Bless Some Of America.

Real patriotism is challenging a bunch of dumb voters.

We need to bring the troops home to protect us from the electorate.

Thank you for standing up for politicians, liars, and traitors.

You are leading the way in a hard-won victory over Americans.