‘The Onion’ Salutes The Courageous Legislators Determined To Overturn The Will Of Voters

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U.S. Rep. Mike Johnson: Fourth Congressional District of Louisiana

Thank you for bravely standing up to the American voters.

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U.S. Rep. Gary Palmer: Sixth Congressional District of Alabama

It is an honor to witness such valor.

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U.S. Rep. Steve Scalise: First Congressional District of Louisiana

Bravo for confronting the sick and twisted sycophants who would attempt to select the candidate of their choice.

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U.S. Rep. Jim Jordan: Fourth Congressional District of Ohio

Sir, you have served your country well, fighting against the scourge of Democracy as well as the menace of exposing sexual abuse.

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U.S. Rep. Ralph Abraham: Fifth Congressional District of Louisiana

It takes true grit to defy those who would dare to cast a ballot.

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U.S. Rep. Rick W. Allen: 12th Congressional District of Georgia

Please never back down from your constituents.

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U.S. Rep. James R. Baird: Fourth Congressional District of Indiana

We The People applaud you for confronting We The People.

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U.S. Rep. Jim Banks: Third Congressional District of Indiana

Thank you for protecting us from liberalism.

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U.S. Rep.Jack Bergman: First Congressional District of Michigan

We are blessed to have you working tirelessly to throw out the votes of Michigan residents.

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U.S. Rep. Andy Biggs: Fifth Congressional District of Arizona

We need you to help destroy the U.S. Constitution next.

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U.S. Rep. Gus Bilirakis: 12th Congressional District of Florida

You have been absolutely fearless when stopping the American people from participating in elections.

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U.S. Rep. Dan Bishop: Ninth Congressional District of North Carolina

You now stand shoulder to shoulder with many of the Confederate leaders.

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U.S. Rep. Mike Bost: 12th Congressional District of Illinois

The American people will never forget your bravery.

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U.S. Rep. Kevin Brady: Eighth Congressional District of Texas

You’re inspiring millions of children to never accept election results.

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U.S. Rep. Mo Brooks: Fifth Congressional District of Alabama

If more people had your spine, the entire country would be like Alabama.

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U.S. Rep. Ken Buck: Fourth Congressional District of Colorado

Tears are rolling down our faces, Mr. Congressman!

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U.S. Rep. Ted Budd: 13th Congressional District of North Carolina

Thank you for selflessly bringing to light the dangers of federalism.

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U.S. Rep. Tim Burchett: Second Congressional District of Tennessee

Never again will we allow U.S. citizens to recklessly turn in their ballots.

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U.S. Rep. Michael C. Burgess: 26th Congressional District of Texas

Sure looks like heroes are just bigger in Texas.

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U.S. Rep. Bradley Byrne: First Congressional District of Alabama

We know you’ll never stop fighting things like all 50 states certifying their election results.

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U.S. Rep. Ken Calvert: 42nd Congressional District of California

From sea to shining sea, we shall throw out votes.

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U.S. Re. Earl L. “Buddy” Carter: First Congressional District of Georgia

Real patriotism is challenging the American people when they vote wrong.

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U.S. Rep. Ben Cline: Sixth Congressional District of Virginia

More treading on the will of the people please.

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U.S. Rep. Michael Cloud: 27th Congressional District of Texas

Sir, the founding fathers are bursting from their graves to tell you how proud they are.

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U.S. Rep. Mike Conaway: 11th Congressional District of Texas

God hates American voters, too. You’re in good company.

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U.S. Rep. Rick Crawford: First Congressional District of Arkansas

Liberty is about our rights to question whether some people’s votes should count.

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U.S. Rep. Dan Crenshaw: Second Congressional District of Texas

We applaud your eternal vigilance against people who selected a candidate you don’t like.

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U.S. Rep. Mario Diaz-Balart: 25th Congressional District of Florida

Never apologize for being an American who disenfranchises voters.

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U.S. Rep. Jeff Duncan: Third Congressional District of South Carolina

You have performed your duty to protect our elections from U.S. citizens.

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U.S. Rep. Neal P. Dunn, M.D.: Second Congressional District of Florida

Way to stand firm against voters from other states.

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U.S. Rep. Tom Emmer: Sixth Congressional District of Minnesota

Man is not free unless democracy is limited.

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U.S. Rep. Ron Estes: Fourth Congressional District of Kansas

Thank you for protecting us from the horrors of the ballot box.

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U.S. Rep. A. Drew Ferguson, IV: Third Congressional District of Georgia

We are never defeated unless we count every single vote.

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U.S. Rep. Chuck Fleischmann: Third Congressional District of Tennessee

We appreciate the things you do to marginalize voters.

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U.S. Rep. Bill Flores: 17th Congressional District of Texas

So blessed to have such courage in Congress.

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U.S. Rep. Jeff Fortenberry: First Congressional District of Nebraska

We are praying for your safety while disenfranchising millions of voters.

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U.S. Rep. Virginia Foxx: Fifth Congressional District of North Carolina

Thank you for sacrificing your ethics.

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U.S. Rep. Russ Fulcher: First Congressional District of Idaho

You have fulfilled your duty. We will never fear the American voter again.

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U.S. Rep. Matt Gaetz: First Congressional District of Florida

We appreciate how you’ve protected our right to suppress the vote.

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U.S. Rep. Greg Gianforte: At-Large Congressional District of Montana

Thank you for smacking democracy right in the face.

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U.S. Rep. Bob Gibbs: Seventh Congressional District of Ohio

There’s nothing more noble than defending your country from representative government.

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U.S. Rep. Louie Gohmert: First Congressional District of Texas

America will never be destroyed without your help.

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U.S. Rep. Lance Gooden: Fifth Congressional District of Texas

You are the bravest among us.

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U.S. Rep. Sam Graves: Sixth Congressional District of Missouri

We must all work together to stand up to the oppression of government by the people.

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U.S. Representative Mark Green: Seventh Congressional District of Tennessee

Keep on crushing the aspirations of the human spirit.

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U.S. Representative Michael Guest: Third Congressional District of Mississippi

Let freedom ring for some of the people.

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U.S. Rep. Andy Harris, M.D.: First Congressional District of Maryland

Proud of the way you stand for liberty, freedom, and independence from voters.

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U.S. Rep. Vicky Hartzler: Fourth Congressional District of Missouri

Your bravery singlehandedly caused an entire nest of bald eagles to cry.

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U.S. Rep. Kevin Hern: First Congressional District of Oklahoma

Thank you for fighting for voter suppression.

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U.S. Rep. Clay Higgins: Third Congressional District of Louisiana

It takes a village to disenfranchise voters.

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U.S. Rep. Trey Hollingsworth: Ninth Congressional District of Indiana

Thank you for protecting the American people from their bad decisions at the polls.

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U.S. Rep. Richard Hudson: Eighth Congressional District of North Carolina

You deserve a medal for speaking truth to sovereign power.

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U.S. Rep. Bill Huizenga: Second Congressional District of Michigan

Not to be picky, but there’s still a lot of other cornerstones of democracy that you could be quashing.

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U.S. Rep. Bill Johnson: Sixth Congressional District of Ohio

FYI, it’s still cool to stop U.S. citizens from voting.

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U.S. Rep. John Joyce: 13th Congressional District of Pennsylvania

Thank you for helping tyranny gain a foothold.

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U.S. Rep. Fred Keller: 12th Congressional District of Pennsylvania

Freedom costs nothing if we don’t bother having it.

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U.S. Rep. Mike Kelly: 16th Congressional District of Pennsylvania

In the face of impossible odds, you did everything you could to overturn an election.

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U.S. Rep. Trent Kelly: First Congressional District of Mississippi

Your boldness is greatly appreciated.

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U.S. Rep. Steve King: Fourth Congressional District of Iowa

You have served your country well while rejecting the will of the American people.

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U.S. Rep. David Kustoff: Eighth Congressional District of Tennessee

We appreciate your commitment to destroying the basic tenets of Western democratic rules.

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U.S. Rep. Darin LaHood: 18th Congressional District of Illinois

The bravery you displayed while eroding democracy will never be forgotten.

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U.S. Rep. Doug LaMalfa: First Congressional District of California

Your tireless work to undermine democracy is incredibly selfless and kind.

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U.S. Rep. Doug Lamborn: Fifth Congressional District of Colorado

Thanks for not backing down from those who would want a free and fair election.

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U.S. Rep. Robert E. Latta: Fifth Congressional District of Ohio

You’ve displayed great courage while standing for un-American ideals.

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U.S. Rep. Debbie Lesko: Eighth Congressional District of Arizona

You have been fearless in the face of those who make a formal choice of a candidate.

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U.S. Rep. Blaine Leutkemeyer: Third Congressional District of Missouri

You’ve done so much to improve the diversity of voter suppression.

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U.S. Rep. Kenny Marchant: 24th Congressional District of Texas

The truest freedom is throwing out election results.

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U.S. Rep. Roger Marshall, M.D.: First Congressional District of Kansas

You proudly stood up to an unhinged cult selfishly demanding that their votes count.

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U.S. Rep. Tom McClintock: Fourth Congressional District of California

Thank you for pulverizing the values that a bunch of idiots hold sacred.

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U.S. Rep. Cathy McMorris Rogers: Fifth Congressional District of Washington

So proud of the way you bravely kicked the underdog.

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U.S. Rep. Dan Meuser: Ninth Congressional District of Pennsylvania

The people of Pennsylvania are lucky to have you protecting them from democracy.

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U.S. Rep. Carol D. Miller: Third Congressional District of West Virginia

Keep up the good work and you’ll be so much closer to permanently ending civil liberties.

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U.S. Rep. John Moolenaar: Fourth Congressional District of Michigan

You’ve done a great job defending liberty from the residents of Michigan.

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U.S. Rep. Alex X. Mooney: Second Congressional District of West Virginia

Soon every state will have the opportunity to achieve the same greatness as West Virginia.

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U.S. Representative Markwayne Mullin: Second Congressional District of Oklahoma

Your determination to stop democracy is highly admirable.

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U.S. Rep. Gregory Murphy, M.D.: Third Congressional District of North Carolina

Tyranny would like to give you a great big hug.

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U.S. Rep. Dan Newhouse: Fourth Congressional District of Washington

Thank you for helping to cut back on the legitimacy of our institutions.

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U.S. Rep. Ralph Norman: Fifth Congressional District of South Carolina

The life of the nation is secure only when certain groups of people are disenfranchised.

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U.S. Rep. Scott Perry: 10th Congressional District of Pennsylvania

You’ve done great work while putting a stop to rampant freedom.

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U.S. Rep. Guy Reschenthaler: 14th Congressional District of Pennsylvania

You are incredibly brave to confront the desires of constituents.

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U.S. Rep. Tom Rice: Seventh Congressional District of South Carolina

Wow, you inspire us to stand for the flag and kneel before you, good sir.

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U.S. Rep. John Rose: Sixth Congressional District of Tennessee

A hero understands the responsibility of that comes with limiting others’ freedom.

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U.S. Rep. David Rouzer: Seventh Congressional District of North Carolina

You’ve really done so much to help modernize voter suppression.

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U.S. Rep. John Rutherford: Fourth Congressional District of Florida

Kudos for chipping away at the legitimate foundation of the government.

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U.S. Rep. Austin Scott: Eighth Congressional District of Georgia

We are in awe of how you so bravely displayed your weakness and cruelty. The American people owe you so much.

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U.S. Rep. Mike Simpson: Second Congressional District of Idaho

The world is changed by your awful example not your awful opinion.

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U.S. Rep. Adrian Smith: Third Congressional District of Nebraska

The only thing you should fear is people making choices at the ballot box.

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U.S. Rep. Jason Smith: Eighth Congressional District of Missouri

If you didn’t act, many Americans would think that they could get away with voting.

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U.S. Rep. Ross Spano: 15th Congressional District of Florida

You were valiant in the fight against representative democracy.

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U.S. Rep. Elise Stefanik: 21st Congressional District of New York

Thank you for your sacrifices in the battle against individual rights.

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U.S. Rep. Glenn “GT” Thompson: 15th Congressional District of Pennsylvania

It takes real guts to stand up to doing what’s right.

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U.S. Rep. Tom Tiffany: Seventh Congressional District of Wisconsin

You’ve done great work against democracy, but there’s still more to be done to put an end to civil society.

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U.S. Rep. William Timmons: Fourth Congressional District of South Carolina

Brave sir, this country doesn’t deserve the likes of you.

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U.S. Rep. Ann Wagner: Second Congressional District of Missouri

You have been dauntless while making unsubstantiated claims about the election outcome.

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U.S. Rep. Tim Walberg: Seventh Congressional District of Michigan

It takes real teamwork to destroy the faith of the voting public.

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U.S. Rep. Michael Waltz: Sixth Congressional District of Florida

Thank you for boldly confronting oppressive voters.

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U.S. Rep. Randy Weber: 14th Congressional District of Texas

So proud of the way you amplified deranged claims.

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U.S. Rep. Daniel Webster: 11th Congressional District of Florida

This country might start to function normally if it wasn’t for lionhearted folks like you.

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U.S. Rep. Brad Wenstrup: Second Congressional District of Ohio

You’ve been so gracious while refusing to accept election results.

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U.S. Rep. Bruce Westerman: Fourth Congressional District of Arkansas

You are a true hero. Have you seen some of the shitheads the American people vote for?

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U.S. Rep. Roger Williams: 25th Congressional District of Texas

America will forever be in your debt for exposing massive amounts of voting.

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U.S. Rep. Joe Wilson: Second Congressional District of South Carolina

God Bless Some Of America.

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U.S. Rep. Rob Wittman: First Congressional District of Virginia

Real patriotism is challenging a bunch of dumb voters.

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U.S. Rep. Ron Wright: Sixth Congressional District of Texas

We need to bring the troops home to protect us from the electorate.

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U.S. Rep. Ted S. Yoho: Third Congressional District of Florida

Thank you for standing up for politicians, liars, and traitors.

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U.S. Rep. Lee Zeldin: First Congressional District of New York

You are leading the way in a hard-won victory over Americans.