With careful planning and prudent financial decisions, many Americans could retire before 65. The Onion weighs the pros and cons of such a decision:
PRO
- Mystery of whether you’ll die above or below the poverty line finally revealed
- Have ample time to visit parts of the world that will be underwater by the time your peers retire
- Mid-afternoon dentist appointments a fucking breeze to schedule
- Get to form bonds with the loved ones you neglected for years in dogged pursuit of early retirement
- Contemplation of own mortality no longer restricted to evening hours
CON
- Interest in some kind of hobby now mandatory
- Earning potential the one thing you had to offer spouse, children
- Your exit will skew the ideological composition of the court to the far right
- The guys have one last job in the works, and it’s a big one
- Life not all that great either way