Recent advancements in gene editing have introduced a number of exciting possibilities for human advancement and raised difficult ethical questions. The Onion breaks down the pros and cons of gene editing.

PRO

  • Could help eradicate genetic diseases in rich people
  • Would raise level of competition in child beauty pageants
  • No longer need to totally bust ass cultivating inner beauty
  • Will create thousands of high-paying jobs for struggling ethics professors
  • May be capable of creating a family member who doesn’t always fuck everything up
  • Attractive people are better than unattractive people

CON

  • Hereditary gene that causes glaucoma only thing left to remember grandpa by
  • No way the Pope is going to go for this
  • Far fewer inspirational morning show segments about kids beating cancer
  • Would extend the lives of assholes, too
  • What if they make some super-disease and inject a bunch of giant hornets with it or something? What then, hotshot?

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  • Mom already dead