While most first-time mothers in the United States choose to give birth in hospitals that offer epidurals and additional medical assistance, a growing number of women are opting for drug-free, natural births, often at home. Here are the leading arguments for and against natural childbirth:
PROS
- Screaming, distressed woman flooded with endorphins and adrenaline gets to be in control of entire situation
- Women get to have the same full and unspoiled experience of childbirth as ancestors, livestock, woodland animals
- Can lord it over Karen
- Offers mothers a more comfortable, non-intrusive means of pushing a child out of their vagina in a room full of people
- Allows for a variety of birthing positions, such as the Hang Glider, the Roman Candle, and the Cannon, that are impossible after an epidural
- Constant edge-of-seat excitement over not having medical professionals at the ready should there be any complication whatsoever
- It’s beautiful, arguably
CONS
- Lack of epidural denies infant opportunity to enter world with a nice buzz
- Women may experience longer, more exasperating blog posts
- Puts child at higher risk of being homeschooled
- Means passing up rare, exciting opportunity to get massive needle stabbed into cerebrospinal fluid
- Have to weigh baby on bathroom scale
- Doula might fuck up APGAR test
- Baby doesn’t give a shit one way or another