The Week In Pictures – Week Of December 9, 2019

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Mom Changes Words Of Prayer To Be More Cheerful

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Pete Buttigieg Admits Only Recently Realizing Black People Can Vote

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Nation Calls For Letting Biden Rub Women’s Shoulders Again After Seeing What He’ll Do Instead

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All Of Woman’s Problems Stem From Never Having Visited Europe

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Horrifying Series Of Unspeakable Actions Result In $39 Crock-Pot Being Delivered To Man Same Day

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‘Team Umizoomi Actually Kind Of Interesting,’ Reports Stay-At-Home Dad On Verge Of Full Psychotic Breakdown

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Man’s Life Spent Occasionally Eating Barbecue In Between Doing Things He Hates

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Michael Bloomberg Treats Self To Second, Flashier Presidential Campaign

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Washboard Player In Jug Band Tired Of Spoons Guy Getting All The Chicks

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Antonio Brown Proves He’s Changed Man By Breaking Into Robert Kraft’s House In Middle Of Night To Apologize

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British Royal Family Condemns Media’s Ugly Attacks On Their Traditional Practice Of Sexual Abuse

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Kamala Harris Supporter Insists Her Inspiring Message Of Something Or Other Will Always Live On

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One-Eyed Man Who Kamala Harris Locked Up 25 Years Ago Quietly Removes Tulsi Gabbard Mask

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Loved Ones Located All The Way On Other Side Of Heaven

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Jilted Trump Announces Formation Of Cooler, Way More Powerful NATO With His New Best Friends Oman, Macedonia, And Suriname

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Mom Scolds Child For Pointing At Homeless Man Instead Of Ignoring His Very Existence

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Hands-Off Fantasy Football Player Only Checks Team 132 Times Each Sunday

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Report: Would’ve Been Nice If Dad Had Loved Original Family This Much

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Woman Tries Reading Shampoo Bottle Directions In French First To Test If She’s Secretly Smart

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Parents Sign Up Mitch Trubisky For Rec Soccer Team In Hopes He’ll Develop Interest In Sports

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Researchers Release Teeny Little Minotaur Into Maze To Test Mice’s Capacity To Use Enchanted String

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Boris Johnson Worried Anti-Semitism Accusations Against Labour Party Will Hurt Tories’ Hold On Bigot Vote

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Jimmy Carter Devotes Rest Of Life To Raising Awareness Of Fact That Men Get UTIs Too

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Sonny Perdue Argues Food Stamp Cuts Will Incentivize People To Get Exploitative Jobs That Won’t Exist In 5 Years

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Mother Confident That Adult Son’s Cycle Of Emotional Terrorism Will Calm Down Once He Finds The Right Girl

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Matt Gaetz Solemnly Raises Pistol To Head After Realizing He Used Barron Trump’s Name While Scolding Witness For Using Barron Trump’s Name

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Man Doesn’t Want To Put Too Much Effort Into Fixing Up House He Just Going To Burn Down For Insurance Fraud One Day

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Sight Of His Beautiful Bride Walking Down Aisle Fills Man With Overwhelming Happyish Feeling

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Trump Orders National Christmas Tree Be Cut To One Inch Shorter Than He Is

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Cabal Of Handsome Male Celebrities Agrees To Continue Withholding Baldness Cure From Public And Jude Law

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World Wildlife Fund Apologizes After Years Of Working With Well-Known Whale Pedophile

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Pete Buttigieg Blames Inability To Disclose Political Stances On NDA With Buttigieg Campaign

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