The Week In Pictures – Week Of February 10, 2020

The Week In Pictures – Week Of February 10, 2020

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Frustrated Tenant Only 5 Or 6 Days Away From Sending Gently Worded Email To Landlord

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Andy Reid After Super Bowl Win: ‘I Can Now Die Of A Heart Attack In Peace’

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Queen Reminds Worker Bees They Still Represent Colony Even When Away From Hive

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Baby Delighted By Grandfather Making Silly Faces During Stroke

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Man Wastes Entire Life Chasing Unrealistic Pipe Dream Of Being Loved And Respected

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DNC Mulls Asking Donald Trump To Run As Democrat In Effort To Stop Sanders

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3 Million Iowans Finish Gathering Into Middle Of Gymnasium For Start Of Caucuses

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Director Sets Up Actor With Backstory About How Franchise Failing Horribly

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Buttigieg: ‘My Record During My First Term As President Speaks For Itself’

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Report: Majority Of Americans Would Jump At Chance To Rip Off Shirt And Use It As Tourniquet

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Somebody In Mosh Pit All Sweaty

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DNC Blames Iowa Caucus Problems On Single Fuck-Up Senior Citizen Volunteer

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DNC Offers Startup $500 Million To Develop Pencil That Can Accurately Record Election Results

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Speeding Democratic Campaign Buses Run Over 173 Iowans In Mad Dash To Get Fuck Out Of State

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Pedestrians Passing Each Other On Sidewalk Stop To Let Children Sniff Each Other

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Corporate Lawyer Achieves Career Masterpiece With McDonald’s Monopoly Contest Rules

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Rush Limbaugh Admits Presidential Medal Of Freedom Less Of An Honor Knowing That Rosa Parks, Maya Angelou Also Received It

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Billboard Super Judgmental Since Converting To Christianity

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Both Parties Acting Exactly How Everyone Expected Them To Restores Nation’s Faith In Political Process

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Iowa Democratic Party Finally Releases Full Caucus Results To Rubble-Strewn Remains Of Des Moines In Year 2186

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Chicago Adds 90-Story Stack Of Italian Beef To Skyline

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Sanders Makes Last-Minute Appeal To Moderates By Reminding Them All His Policies Would End Up Being Watered Down To Their Positions Anyway

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Lin-Manuel Miranda: You People Are Giving Me Too Much Fucking Money

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Trump Spends National Prayer Breakfast Attacking God For Allowing Impeachment To Ever Happen

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Hawks, Celtics, Nets, Hornets, Bulls, Cavs, Mavs, Nuggets, Pistons, Warriors, Rockets, Pacers, Clippers, Lakers, Grizzlies, Heat, Bucks, Timberwolves, Pelicans, Knicks, Thunder, Magic, 76ers, Suns, Blazers, Kings, Spurs, Raptors, Jazz, Wizards Complete Rare 30-Team Swap Of Future Second-Rounders

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Senate Republicans Say One Mistake Should Not Ruin The Life Of A Naive, Promising Young Man Like Trump

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Hollywood Legend Kirk Douglas Dead In Apparent Age Overdose

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Report: The Nation Has Healed And It’s Time To Rejoice!

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Thai Fishermen Find Iowa Caucus Results In Stomach of Tiger Shark

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‘He’s Got The Mulan Virus!’ Yells Don Jr. Attempting To Quarantine Eric By Duct Taping Garbage Bag Over Head

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EPA Thugs Violently Beat Endangered Toad Who Hasn’t Paid Protection Money

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Coronavirus Fears Prompt 200-Foot Surgical Mask To Be Mounted Over Docking Cruise Ship

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Movie Expedition Team Annoyed They Only Getting Briefed On Mission Right Before Parachuting Onto Hostile Island

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Buttigieg Touts Progress Connecting With Black Fortune 500 Executives

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Parkinson’s Gene Waiting To Switch On Until Everything Finally Falling Into Place For Local Man

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Marie Kondo Folds Self Neatly Into Tiny Box After Long Day Of Work

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Nervous, Jeans-Wearing Charlize Theron Wishes Someone Had Told Her This Was Supposed To Be Formal Event

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‘You’re Allowed To Be Naked Sometimes, But Not Other Times,’ Says Brad Pitt In Baffling Oscars Acceptance Speech

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Oscars Replace Orchestral Playouts With Big, Slobbery Saint Bernard To Knock Over Long-Winded Winners

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More from The Onion

CDC Recommends Also Wearing Face Mask On Back Of Head In Case Coronavirus Attacks From Rear

Father Showing Kids ‘Field Of Dreams’ For First Time Unaware Kevin Costner Sparking Son’s Sexual Awakening

Parenting Experts Reveal Forcing Child To Shoot Dying Pet Only Teaches Lesson About Mortality For First 5 Or So Times

Family Mercifully Pulling Plug On Grandfather Unaware They Sending Him Directly To Hell