The Week In Pictures – Week Of February 17, 2020

Study Finds Leading Cause Of Childhood Obesity Witches Fattening Up Children To Be Eaten

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Mom Still Seething Over Car That Blew Through Stop Sign 15 Years Ago

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Western Culture Ends

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Engineer Thinking Bridge For This One

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2020 Race Upended After New Poll Finds Trump, Democrats Trailing Mysterious Rune-Covered Obelisk By 80 Points

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Increasingly Unhinged Centrists Announce Plan To Round Up Nation Into Camps To Force Them To Engage In Meaningful Dialogue

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Health Officials Warn It Is Impossible To Tell If American Cruise Ship Passengers Suffering From Coronavirus Or Just Like That

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‘He’s A Cop,’ Say Bernie Backers, Withdrawing Support After Realizing Candidate Vying To Be Commander In Chief

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NASA Launches Really Nice Nikon DSLR Camera Strapped To Rocket To Gather Photos Of Sun

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Man Crippled By Fear Of Failure As If It Hadn’t Already Happened

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Study Finds Dating Apps Most Effective Way To Find Everyone Your Age Apparently Kayaking Now

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Fertility Clinic Employee Asks Couple If They’d Like To Play With Sperm Out Back And Get To Know It Better

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Poll Finds Bloomberg Trailing Among Young Black Males He’s Already Thrown In Prison

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Bloomberg Campaign Raises Visibility By Pumping $5 Million Into #BloombergIsRacist Hashtag

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Flustered New Hampshire Bed And Breakfast Host Informs Biden, Sanders, Buttigieg, Warren, Klobuchar They’re All Booked For Same Room

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‘It’s Time To Go, Mr. Stone,’ Says Ski-Masked William Barr After Running Prison Bus Off Road

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Army Guy Wears Glasses

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Man Calms Down From Violent Rage After Seeing ‘Or Current Resident’ On Misaddressed Letter

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Giannis Antetokounmpo To Take Off Next 3 Seasons With Standard European Paternity Leave

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Emergency Room Staff Assures Parents That Burger King Chicken Fries Will Pass Naturally Through Child’s System

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Best In Show Poodle Tearfully Advocates For Joaquin Phoenix Rights During Speech At Westminster Dog Show

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Pregnant Woman Finally Knows Joy Of What It Feels Like To Be Big Fat Guy

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Moderates Worry Klobuchar Splitting People-Who-Will-Vote-For-Anybody Vote

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Man Has Faint Inkling Of What Greeting Card With Picture Of Donkey On It Might Say Inside

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CEO Of Robotics Corporation Tells Sobbing Andrew Yang That He Was His Greatest Creation

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Fox News Producer Knows His Work Formulaic But At Least It Helps People Escape Reality For Couple Hours

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Resigned Nutritionists Now Recommend Eating 3 Servings A Day Of Mice Or Bark Or Whatever

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Man Scrambling To Furnish Apartment Before Date Shows Up

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‘You Should Put Your Name On The Karaoke List!’ Reports Greedy, Gluttonous Hunger For Strangers’ Approval

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Mike Bloomberg: ‘I Apologize For The Damages My Past Policies Have Caused To The Negro Community’

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Jimmy Carter Added To Mount Rushmore After Becoming 5th Former President To Bowl Perfect 300

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CDC Recommends Also Wearing Face Mask On Back Of Head In Case Coronavirus Attacks From Rear

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Diagram Warning Child Could Drown In Bucket Much More Clear In Hindsight

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Couple Takes Weekend Trip Outside City To Get Away From All The Arts And Culture

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Nevada Addresses Concerns About Election Security By Switching To Electronic Voters

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Dad Unleashes Haunting Moan Of Satisfaction Upon Descending Into Hot Tub

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God Announces Major Overhaul Of Procreation Process For 2021

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Report Finds Average U.S. College Student Over $28,000 In Debt To Yakuza

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Mayo Clinic Offers Special Chocolate Heart Transplant For Valentine’s Day

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Bloomberg Hires Thousands Of Canvassers To Stop Black Men On Street And Force Them To Hear Campaign Pitch

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