The Week In Pictures – Week Of January 13, 2020

The Week In Pictures – Week Of January 13, 2020

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Report: Everything Slightly Worse Than Yesterday

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Demon Kicking Self For Inhabiting Child When He Could’ve Possessed Someone Who Could Buy A Gun

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Ravages Of Age Claim Formerly Perky Beer Gut

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Cat Treat Package Going On About Delicious, Creamy Center Too Much Not To Be Marketing To Humans

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Hasbro Launches Line Of Trap-Building Kits To Encourage Girls To Get Into Post-Apocalyptic Survivalism

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Zoo Visitors Impressed By Number Of Animals Willing To Eat Change

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Truffle Oil Embarrassed To Be Working With Low-Class Ingredients On Loaded Fries

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Dumb Tourists In Paris Gawking At Splendor Of Greatest Architectural Feats In Human History

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Dentist Feels Blessed That He Still Gets Turned On By Teeth After All These Years

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Couple No Fun Anymore After Having Kids Die

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Man Validated After Discovering Popular Kid From High School Ended Up Bottoming Out Almost As Much As He Did

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Archaeologists Discover Cave With Earliest Known Built-In Shelves

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Excited Park Rangers Announce Lincoln Memorial Actually A Girl After Statue Gives Birth To Litter Of Tiny Marble Abraham Lincolns

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Emergency Last Responders Loiter Around Scene Pretending To Aid Victims After Most Of The Work Already Done

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U.S. Plagued By Widespread Website Crashes After Mouse Gets Into Internet

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More from The Onion

Neurosurgeon Feels Lucky He Was Able To Turn Hobby Into Career

Effects Of The #MeToo Movement

CDC Warns Of U.S. Coronavirus Outbreak

‘Tell Me About It, Stud,’ Says Pleather-Clad Elizabeth Warren On Debate Stage In Effort To Court Bad Boy Demographic