The Week In Pictures – Week Of March 2, 2020

Concerned Baby Starting To Worry Lethargic, Distant Mom Not Suffering From Postpartum Depression At All 

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Smithsonian Museum Celebrates Black Alternate History Month With Full-Scale Recreation Of W.E.B. Du Bois’ War Zeppelin

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Desperate CDC Director Walks Down Hall Of Imprisoned Diseases For One-On-One Talk With Avian Flu About Stopping Coronavirus

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PETA Quietly Testing ‘Coronavirus Is A Living Thing’ Ad Spots In Few Small Markets

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‘You Take These Cuffs Off Of Me And I’ll Make You A Star,’ Says Harvey Weinstein To Female Bailiff Escorting Him Out Of Courtroom

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Embarrassed Heart Surgeon Admits He May Have Accidentally Left Sanders’ Medical Records In Candidate’s Chest

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Trump In India Hails Blossoming Relations Between The 2 Planets

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U.S. Unveils Plan For Rest Of World To Become Carbon-Neutral By 2030

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Outback Introduces New Bloomin’ Cow

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Nation’s Men Stunned To Realize Sexual Harassment Problem May Go As Far Back As 1990

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Jörmungandr Succumbs To First Recorded Case Of Human-To-God Coronavirus Transmission

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So-Called ‘Flash Sale’ May Have Been Strategized Weeks In Advance

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Dead-Eyed Tattoo Artist Has Inked ‘Tomorrow Is Promised To No One’ 5,000 Times In Past Year

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Reform ‘Fifty Shades’ Reader Doesn’t Think Christian And Ana Literally Indulged In Bladder Control Fetish, But Derives Meaning From Story Nonetheless

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Quentin Tarantino Has Son In Latest Homage To Spaghetti Western Director Sergio Leone

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Idiotic Squirrel With Acorn Runs Away From Man As If He Doesn’t Get To Eat All The Nuts He Wants

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Elena Kagan Worried She’s A Fraud After Being Only Female Justice Not Called Out By Trump

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Klobuchar Hoping To Distinguish Herself During Debate As Only Candidate Not Sucker Punched In Gut Moments Before Stepping On Stage

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Moderators Kick Off Debate By Asking Whether Bloomberg Ready To Get Shit Rocked Again

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‘Tell Me About It, Stud,’ Says Pleather-Clad Elizabeth Warren On Debate Stage In Effort To Court Bad Boy Demographic

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Handwritten Sign Clarifies Flooded Urinal Covered In Garbage Bag ‘Out Of Order’

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‘I’m Free, I’m Finally Free!’ Thinks Parent Before Realizing Lost Child Just Hiding Inside Clothes Rack

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This The Part Of Musical Number Where Everyone In Chorus Slowly Kneels Around Main Character

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Neurosurgeon Feels Lucky He Was Able To Turn Hobby Into Career

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Trump Holds Diplomatic Ceremony To Formally Welcome Coronavirus To United States

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Sanders Supporter Sick Of Movement Being Defined By Small Number Of Toxic Members Like Him

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Iran’s Deputy Health Minister Announces He Has Coronavirus And Also Hemorrhoids But That’s A Separate Thing That He Will Deal With On His Own

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Driver Enraged At Rider Who Threw Up In Ambulance

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Breaking: Mama!

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Candidates Struggle To Answer Question About Future Of Granite Countertops During HGTV Town Hall

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‘No Way To Prevent This,’ Says Only Nation Where This Regularly Happens

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‘No, Stop, Please,’ Shouts Woman As Hands Uncontrollably Google All Of Boyfriend’s Exes

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Pete Buttigieg Pivots From Mimicking Obama To Mimicking Sanders In Attempt To Gain Ground

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Timberwolves Fire Clerk On Accounts Receivable Team In First Step Towards Turning Franchise Around

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‘I Like This Candidate Now And Will Vote For Him,’ Says Area Man After Having To Watch 12th Bloomberg Ad In Single Day

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New, Inclusive Gerber Campaign Features First Adult Gerber Baby

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‘Whatavirus?’ Says Half-Naked Mike Pence Brushing Crumbs Off Stomach While Taking First Call From Trump In 18 Months

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‘I’ll Show Those Pricks!’ Screams Mitt Romney Driving Busload Of Pregnant Women To Abortion Clinic After Being Disinvited To CPAC

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Professional Rodeo Cowboys Association Horrified To Learn Madison Bumgarner Risking Health As Baseball Pitcher

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Child Doing Stations Of The Cross Reflects On Boredom Christ Must Have Felt During Crucifixion

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Authorities Arrest 15,000 At FugitiveCon 2020

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Obama Kind Of Hurt No One’s Even Asked For His Endorsement

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Warren Tells Supporters To Cut That Pinterest Shit Out, This Is Serious

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NFL Draft Prospect Sets Combine Record By Scrubbing Entire Social Media Presence In 17.64 Seconds

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Man Annoyed He No Longer Even Able To Go To Wuhan To Eat Bats Without Mom Freaking Out

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Olympic Committee Announces Tokyo Games Will Still Go On As Planned Because True Athletes Embrace Every Obstacle That Comes Their Way

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Trump Claims Responsibility For Longest Black History Month In 4 Years

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