The Week In Pictures – Week Of March 23, 2020

Idaho Governor Orders State’s Restaurant To Be Shut Down

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Divorced Mom At Point In Life Where She Figures She Might As Well Start Writing Erotic Letters To Men In Prison

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Porn Industry Leaders Announce Immediate Closure Of All Orifices

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Pfizer Pours All Resources Into Developing New Hyper-Depressant Pill To Help Americans Ease Transition Into Self-Quarantining

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Woman Tries To Spark Casual Chat In Long Grocery Store Line As If She Not Desperately Attempting To Outrun Death

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Biden Pledges To Select Woman As Vice President Since Position Doesn’t Entail Much Anyway

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Report: Cat Can Tell You’ve Been Drinking Again

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Congress Allocates $2 Trillion To Bail Out Struggling Bailout Industry

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‘You A Pumpkin-Headed Bitch’ Announces Bus Teenager

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Tom Brady: ‘I Want To Thank All The Insufferable New England Fans For Giving Me A Reason To Get The Hell Out Of Here’

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Amazing Detail: Every Game In ‘MLB The Show’ Will Feature A Frustrated Father Sitting In The Stands Next To His Husky Son Playing A Nintendo DS

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CDC Urges Americans To Prevent Spread Of Germs By Beatboxing Into Elbow

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Nation’s 108 Million Service Industry Workers Assure Public That Job Is Just Way To Stay Busy After Winning Lottery Years Ago

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Amazon Hires 100,000 New Workers To Cram In Close Quarters Just For Kicks

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Conservative Worries Relief Checks Would Discourage Americans From Providing For Selves By Killing Him And Taking His Property

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Frustrated Dog Has No Time To Jerk Off Now That Owner Home All Day

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Bucs Sign Replacement-Level Veteran To Hold Down QB Position Until They Draft Starter

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Trump Hits Back At China By Announcing U.S. Will Also Expel American Journalists

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Trump Quietly Checks With Aides To Make Sure He’d Be Included In Receiving $1,000 Government Checks

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Microsoft Confirms Xbox Series X Next-Gen Graphics Will Finally Allow Games That Are All Realistic Hair And Water

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Employee Working From Home Frantically Trying To Finish Report By End Of Days

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Huge Announcement: Sony Just Revealed The PS5 Can Function As A Makeshift Gravestone To Mark The Site Of Your Shallow Burial

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Thousands Of Formerly Endangered White Rhinos Flood City Streets Mere Days After Humans Quarantined Indoors

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Triumphant Jared Kushner Announces Plan To Move CDC Headquarters To Jerusalem

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Woman Annoyed Cat Would Rather Play With Hair Tie Than Expensive Gaming Console She Bought It

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Defiant 123-Year-Old Not Going To Let Coronavirus Stop Him From Hanging Out With Friends

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Trump Seeks To Stimulate Economy By Sending Rare Autographed Photo To Every American

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Trump Administration Releases Best Case Scenario Projections For Coronavirus Where 8 Million Iranian People Die

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Richard Burr Wondering When Profiting Off Mass Suffering Suddenly Became A Crime In This Country

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Hospital Holding Back Extra Coronavirus Test Kit In Case Josh Duhamel Needs One

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Violently Bored Americans Begin Looting Puzzle Stores

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Trump Orders Manufacturers To Drastically Ramp Up Production Of Hospital Gift Shop Supplies

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Experts Warn Americans Could Still Be Dealing With Coronavirus As Late As Tomorrow Afternoon

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‘Animal Crossing: New Horizons’ Developers Confirm No One Can Hurt You Here, No One Can Make You Scared

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Amazing Lore: ‘Doom Eternal’ Creators Confirm Every Demon You Fight In The Game Went To Hell For Masturbating As Teenagers

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