The Week In Pictures – Week Of March 30, 2020

Disturbing New Study Finds American 5th-Graders Only Absorbing Targeted Advertisements At 1st-Grade Level

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Nation Close To Getting Videoconferencing Software To Work

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Self-Isolated Woman Going So Crazy She’s Started Talking To Her Spouse

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Coronavirus Forces Landlord To Cut Back On Taking Care Of Building From 1 To 0 Hours A Week

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Restless Trump Can’t Believe He Stuck Inside With Nothing To Do But Be President

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‘This Tastes Like Nothing, I Must Have Coronavirus,’ Says Man Who Has Only Eaten Mac And Cheese For Last 8 Meals

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Dog Not Sure How To Interpret Crazy Dream Where It Saw Squirrel, Barked At Squirrel

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GOP Urges End Of Quarantine For Lifeless Bipedal Automatons That Make Economy Go

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Olympic Dressage Rider Enraged After Spending Past 4 Years Jauntily Trotting Around On Horse For Nothing

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Trump Urges Loosening CDC Restrictions To Let Coronavirus Get To Work

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Trump Suggests Ceding New York To Coronavirus As Possible Appeasement Strategy

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Trump’s Call To Reopen Economy Attributed To New Floating Virus Cloud Advisor

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British Royal Family Orders Citizens To Leave U.K. Until Prince Charles Recovers

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Woman Working From Home Instinctively Tries To Steal Tampons From Own Bathroom

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Man Just Buying One Of Every Cleaning Product In Case Trump Announces It’s Coronavirus Cure

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TheOnion.com Has Been Designated As A Pandemic Shelter In The Event That Covid-19 Could Spread Through The Internet

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Tom Brady Awakens From Week-Long Kombucha Bender To Discover He’s A Tampa Bay Buccaneer

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Congress Sets Aside $1,200 In Trust For Each American Until They Prove They’re Responsible Enough To Handle It

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Jigsaw Puzzle Missing Like 999 Pieces

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British Man Astounded To Hear How Much It Would Cost To Get Mustard Jar Removed From Rectum Under U.S. Healthcare System

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Unpatriotic Whiner Demands Ventilator

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Increasingly Unhinged Melissa Clark Instructs ‘New York Times’ Readers How To Make Pizza From Old Cardboard Box

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Man Reflects On Cyclical Nature Of Existence After Learning McDonald’s Has Stopped Offering All-Day Breakfast Once Again

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Department Of Interior Announces Birds Will Continue Going About Regular Bird Activities During Pandemic

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Global Pandemic That Has Killed Thousands Giving Woman Just The Push She Needed To Organize Tupperware Cabinet

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Kawhi Leonard Misses Second Consecutive Family Game Night Citing Load Management

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Trump Announces Plan To Retrain Nation’s 3 Million Unemployed Americans As Human Ventilators

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