The Week In Pictures – Week Of March 30, 2020

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The Week In Pictures – Week Of March 30, 2020

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Week in picturesVol 56 Issue 13

Disturbing New Study Finds American 5th-Graders Only Absorbing Targeted Advertisements At 1st-Grade Level

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Nation Close To Getting Videoconferencing Software To Work

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Self-Isolated Woman Going So Crazy She’s Started Talking To Her Spouse

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Coronavirus Forces Landlord To Cut Back On Taking Care Of Building From 1 To 0 Hours A Week

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Restless Trump Can’t Believe He Stuck Inside With Nothing To Do But Be President

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‘This Tastes Like Nothing, I Must Have Coronavirus,’ Says Man Who Has Only Eaten Mac And Cheese For Last 8 Meals

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Dog Not Sure How To Interpret Crazy Dream Where It Saw Squirrel, Barked At Squirrel

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GOP Urges End Of Quarantine For Lifeless Bipedal Automatons That Make Economy Go

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Olympic Dressage Rider Enraged After Spending Past 4 Years Jauntily Trotting Around On Horse For Nothing

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Trump Urges Loosening CDC Restrictions To Let Coronavirus Get To Work

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Trump Suggests Ceding New York To Coronavirus As Possible Appeasement Strategy

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Trump’s Call To Reopen Economy Attributed To New Floating Virus Cloud Advisor

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British Royal Family Orders Citizens To Leave U.K. Until Prince Charles Recovers

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Woman Working From Home Instinctively Tries To Steal Tampons From Own Bathroom

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Man Just Buying One Of Every Cleaning Product In Case Trump Announces It’s Coronavirus Cure

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TheOnion.com Has Been Designated As A Pandemic Shelter In The Event That Covid-19 Could Spread Through The Internet

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Tom Brady Awakens From Week-Long Kombucha Bender To Discover He’s A Tampa Bay Buccaneer

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Congress Sets Aside $1,200 In Trust For Each American Until They Prove They’re Responsible Enough To Handle It

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Jigsaw Puzzle Missing Like 999 Pieces

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British Man Astounded To Hear How Much It Would Cost To Get Mustard Jar Removed From Rectum Under U.S. Healthcare System

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Unpatriotic Whiner Demands Ventilator

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Increasingly Unhinged Melissa Clark Instructs ‘New York Times’ Readers How To Make Pizza From Old Cardboard Box

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Man Reflects On Cyclical Nature Of Existence After Learning McDonald’s Has Stopped Offering All-Day Breakfast Once Again

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Department Of Interior Announces Birds Will Continue Going About Regular Bird Activities During Pandemic

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Global Pandemic That Has Killed Thousands Giving Woman Just The Push She Needed To Organize Tupperware Cabinet

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Kawhi Leonard Misses Second Consecutive Family Game Night Citing Load Management

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Trump Announces Plan To Retrain Nation’s 3 Million Unemployed Americans As Human Ventilators

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More from The Onion

Black Man Blissfully Unaware His Name Going To Be Hashtag By End Of Week

Trump Claims To Have Stopped Taking Hydroxychloroquine

Xi Jinping Warns Of Second Coronavirus Wave Likely To Disappear Thousands Of Hong Kong Residents

Complete Bullshit: Designers Of This Online Shooter Made It So This Guy Died Even Though He Totally Ducked