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The Week In Pictures – Week Of May 1, 2017

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Grandma Looking Like Absolute Shit Lately

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U.S. Postal Service Appoints First Leather-Clad Postmistress General

Cameron Diaz Finally Opens Up About Generally Positive Experience In Show Business

Thumbtack On Carpet Still At Large

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God Pissed After Learning Cost To Replace Earth’s Core

Man Holding Hands With Pregnant Woman Must Have Weird Fetish

Trump Promises Government Will Continue To Fund All Essential Mar-A-Lago Staff During Shutdown

Closed Shop In Gentrifying Neighborhood To Emerge From Chrysalis As Beautiful Gastropub

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University Of Nevada Renames Vito Corleone School Of Business Following Latest Accusations Against Benefactor

Total Dipshit Fans Think Pop-Up Fly Ball Going To Be Home Run

Metallica Board Of Directors Debates Whether New Riff Will Have Negative Impact On Shareholder Value

Locks Of Love Completes Construction Of Massive Hair Silo Capable Of Holding 150,000 Pounds Of Hair

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Christ Appears In Roman Court To Contest 2,000-Year-Old Riot Charges

Gorsuch Nervous About Showering In Front Of Other Supreme Court Justices

Gap Debuts New Line Of Children’s Sweaters To Clutch To Chest When Son Goes Missing

Nation’s Sanitation Workers Announce Everything Finally Clean

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Department Of Interior Asks For Resignation Of Obama-Era Elk

Chemicals That Pushed Man’s Ancestors To Run Down Wild Boar Flare At Sight Of White Cheddar Popcorn Bag

Ecuadorian Officials Starting To Get Sick Of Julian Assange Always Leaving Dirty Dishes All Over Embassy

Mark Zuckerberg Touts Complete Lack Of Cannibalism On Facebook Live So Far

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Justin Trudeau Unveils Plan To Meet Healthcare Needs Of Canada’s Aging Prog Rockers

Cracking Sound Alerts Man He Reaching Styrofoam Plate’s Weight Limit

Super 8 Offering Writers Residency For Anyone Working On Suicide Note

Man Who’s Only Halfway Through Life Can Already Guess How It’s Going To End

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David Crosby Shows Photo Of Dwarven Blacksmith To Barber To Give Idea Of What He Wants

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