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The Week In Pictures – Week Of November 6, 2017

11/06/17 10:11AM

Pope Beatifies God In Important Step Toward Sainthood

Iceberg Sighs Contentedly As It Slowly Lowers Itself Into Warm Arctic Water

Great, Daughter Measuring Self-Worth Against Some 13-Year-Old Named Skyla Now

Embarrassed Health Guru Informs Tom Brady He’s Been Mistakenly Following Toxic Diet Regimen

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Geologists Say Continents May Have Drifted Apart After Emotional Falling-Out

‘I’ll Make Those Bastards Pay,’ Teary-Eyed Mueller Whispers Into Locket Containing Photo Of James Comey

Hubble Telescope Desperately Struggling To Contact NASA After Witnessing Murder On Ganymede

Man Wouldn’t Have Worn Costume To Work If He’d Known He Was Getting Laid Off

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Best Part Is Going Through Hoop, Reports Basketball

Nude Aides Huddled Around Trump Assure Him No One Wearing Wire

John Kelly Loses Seat On NAACP Board Of Directors

Dead-Eyed Man Has Been Looking For Non-Humiliating Halloween Costume For Past 2 Hours

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Alpha Trick-Or-Treater Established By Third House

Biden Hands Out Loose GT Cola Can To Unexpected Trick-Or-Treater

Excitement Builds In Los Angeles To Have One Less Professional Sports Team Playing

Family Without Candy Sits Huddled In Darkened House Like Londoners During The Blitz

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Styrofoam To Spend Next 500 Years Reflecting On How Well It Protected Blender In Transport

Car Passengers Launch Urgent, Mid-Street Investigation Into Whether Woman In Parking Spot Coming Or Going

Thai Dish Apparently Costs 3 Peppers

Office Bad Boy Sees Right Through Team-Building Exercise

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Trump Boys Attempting To Tunnel From South Lawn To FBI Headquarters To Free Paul Manafort From Custody

‘The Onion’ Is Canceling Our 15-Second Web Video Featuring Kevin Spacey

UPDATE: ‘The Onion’ Has Halted Production On Our Travel Tips Video Narrated By Jeremy Piven

UPDATE: ‘The Onion’ Is Immediately Suspending Production On Our Basketball Infographic Video Directed By Brett Ratner

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Houston Residents Admit World Series Win Won’t Heal Hurricane-Ravaged City As Much As Super Bowl Win Would

White House Staff Frantically Shredding Trump Campaign Aides

Excitement Shifts To Concern After Coworker Brings Baked Goods Into Office For Fourth Consecutive Day

Delirious Koala Hasn’t Slept For 72 Straight Minutes

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Presidential Limo Guns It Around Corner In Attempt To Toss Robert Mueller From Roof

Kevin Spacey Responds To Assault Allegations By Seeking Treatment For Homosexuality

Purina Debuts New ‘Slovenly Feast’ For Nasty-Ass Shelter Cats

Beyoncé Begins Painful Surgical Transformation To Prepare For Role In Live-Action ‘Lion King’ Remake

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DNC Unveils Clinton Institute For Campaign Ethics Reform In Response To Corruption Allegations

Aaron Rodgers Balloons To 450 Pounds After Single Inactive Week In Wisconsin

Woman Wearing Jacket Indulging In Forbidden Pleasure Of Having Pockets

Man Resolves To Read The Wikipedia Tabs He Already Has Open Before Starting New Ones

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White House Announces Obamacare Exchange Now Only Accessible From Single Kiosk In Remote Iowa Cornfield

Pet Researchers Confirm 100% Of Owners Who Leave For Work Never Coming Back

Aides Gently Tell Trump He Can’t Bring All His Gold Lion Statues On Airplane

MRI Reveals Anthony Davis’ Knee Filled With More Eyebrows

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‘No Way To Prevent This,’ Says Only Nation Where This Regularly Happens

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