Theater Company’s Fundraising Email More Tragic Than Any Play It’s Ever Produced

Illustration for article titled Theater Company’s Fundraising Email More Tragic Than Any Play It’s Ever Produced

NEW YORK—Managing to evoke unparalleled feelings of pity and fear in its audience, a fundraising email sent Wednesday from local theater company The Calliope Players was reportedly far more tragic than any of the plays it had ever produced. “It’s been a very challenging year, but we believe in our mission of hybrid contemporary-classic theater more than ever, which is why we’re asking for friends, previous performers, and well-wishers to pledge just $50 towards our next season,” read the email in part, demonstrating a fatal flaw of hubris that instantly imbued the message with a feeling of pathos far outstripping even the company’s most acclaimed retellings of Macbeth and King Lear. “We’ll be frank: We’re struggling, but we have faith that with the help of this wonderful community of artists, we’ll make it through this rough passage even stronger than before.” At press time, readers were undergoing an intense catharsis after receiving a follow-up email informing them that the company had folded.