Theoretical Astro-Fetishists Posit Black Holes Could Be Used For Anonymous Sex Across Parallel Universes

Illustration for article titled Theoretical Astro-Fetishists Posit Black Holes Could Be Used For Anonymous Sex Across Parallel Universes

BERKELEY, CA—Building on previous work into the hidden dimensions of sexual ecstasy that lie beyond our understanding of space and time, a team of theoretical astro-fetishists published a groundbreaking paper Thursday that posits black holes could be used for anonymous sex across the infinite parallel worlds of the multiverse. “Our advanced cosmological model indicates that if you were to insert your penis into a black hole, there’s a very real chance you could be pleasured by alien life-forms in a potentially unlimited number of universes,” said astro-fetish professor Dave Bucknell, explaining that a parallel universe accessed through black holes could operate according to complete different natural laws and, as such, could allow for orgasms unlike anything one could experience in our own reality. “There are indications that while the extreme gravity of the black holes would tear apart your genitals on a molecular level and pull them into long, thin strands, the erotic sensation would be absolutely incredible. You wouldn’t be able to see what those mysterious beings from an alternate universe were doing to your penis, but that would of course be part of the thrill.” The theoretical astro-fetishists confirmed they had recently applied for a grant that would allow them to test their hypothesis by launching perverts into a black hole penis-first.

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