CHICAGO—Calling the short, 30-minute appointment windows the “perfect white noise” to zone out to, local therapist Thea Tucker confirmed Monday that she wasn’t really invested in her patient but liked having her on in the background. “Don’t get me wrong, she’s a totally fine client and all, but there’s something about her that’s just better when I’m only half paying attention,” said Tucker, adding that while there were definitely parts of her patient’s love, family, and work life that were interesting, she’d much rather listen to the woman’s problems while cooking or cleaning. “It’s honestly really nice to just start the appointment, let my eyes glaze over, and then pop back in anytime I hear something dramatic. As a longtime therapist, I hate to say it, but she’s definitely gone downhill lately. I’ve actually fallen asleep listening to her a few times.” At press time, Tucker had reversed her stance and said she had actually gotten hooked on her patient again after a particularly juicy appointment in which the woman revealed her boyfriend had hooked up with her sister.