ATHENS, GA—Explaining that the behavior provided multiple mental health benefits, a team of top therapists at the University of Georgia’s Department of Psychology issued a statement Monday recommending treating people like shit if you’re having a bad day. “We would strongly advise anyone who finds themselves feeling hopeless or down in the dumps to just go fucking off with both barrels on a nearby friend or coworker,” said research psychologist Richard Morgan, adding that actions such as screaming at a partner or dressing down a subordinate at work have been shown to greatly alleviate feelings of depression and melancholy, more so than medication or therapy. “Make sure not to bottle it up, as projecting your insecurities onto others or just flat-out insulting those who care about you the most leads to an instant increase in endorphins and dopamine. You don’t even have to know the person; we found that people who regularly channel their inner turmoil into lashing out at waitresses or customer service representatives have lower blood pressure, lead longer lives, and report overall higher levels of happiness.” The therapists also added that should the behavior not produce the desired effect, you are probably not being mean enough to others and should ramp up your attacks.
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