Things Nobody Tells You About College Debt

Sorry to break it to you, but all those people who have been going around telling you how awesome college debt is have not been telling the truth.

Sallie Mae’s customer service representatives won’t tell you this but we will.

All you have to do now is convince the team that you’re worth it.

At a distant second, otters have an average student debt of $11,000 per capita.

This isn’t exactly related to loans, but it definitely would have been helpful to hear before you took out a thousands in loans.

No, you can’t send $50,000 in crypto​ to ​a hitman on the dark web to solve your little problem.

People with steep student loan debt often erroneously console themselves with the false idea that, if nothing else, it will get them laid.

Not having $100,000 saved by the age of 17 reflects poorly on your character and upbringing.

Swapping your long layers for a bob or pixie cut doesn’t somehow delete the person who took out the loan in the first place.

Most people don’t know this, but if you provide proof of having over $300,000 in student loans, Applebee’s will give you a free Dollarita dollar margarita!

Student loans are an unstoppable, crushing force of nature that cannot be stopped with pleas to logic or mercy.

You’d think for that much money you’d have a lifetime membership at the University Gym, but nope.

Bet you feel kinda shitty for not paying off that debt sooner.

If you are skilled in the art of negotiation, you can argue until your sum is lowered to a debt you can pay off in corn, wheat, or well-fed hogs.

The longer you take to repay your student loans, the longer a putrid smell of rotten eggs will emit from every pore in your body.

If you don’t make your payments, Psych 103 will be repossessed.

Getting married, owning a car, owning a house—these are things you were never interested in that are now completely unavailable.

Whatever is easiest for your current budget.

Somehow the most fucked up part of it all.